Detachable...something or other.

You know when you have that feeling that you've made the wrong choice? Months ago, I was plagued by this unmistakeable feeling of dread and emptiness, tainted by a sense of uneasiness around things that had once been familiar and enjoyable. I fear this stream of dark emotion is trying to break through one more time. It pulls at me, pleading with me to make the changes that I don't want to make, or the ones that I don't even recognize need to be made. I feel different; out of control. 

I'm empty in too many areas. I'm emotionally drained due in large part to a strenuous family situation that doesn't really need to be elaborated on. I'm spiritually drained because I'm doing my utmost to lift people up, as well as doing my best to reassure myself that everything will be alright, and I don't doubt that it's the same for everyone, so I feel guilty turning to the people I used to. I've used up all of my coupons for free advice, girl's night outs, and the usual run-of-the-mill venting. Those left from my past are busy-bees in their own right, or simply not talking to me anymore because I've made choices that they didn't support (my faith, Justin, choosing not to go to grad school, etc). I feel washed up, pathetic, and lacking. It's as though I'm in hiding so that I don't have to talk about how I really feel. 

My relationship is a figurative and literal mess. I don't know who I am, or who I want to be for that matter. I don't know what I want, or what I don't want. Even more importantly, I don't know who and what God wants. I was lost on the path getting into this, and I'm still lost, trying to figure out if I've made inadequate choices. JB always reassures me that we'll be ok, but I'm losing myself, and I anticipate that he is too. We have lost sight of our priorities, and as often as I try to right the wrong, there is always another battle to be fought on the frontline; ripping and shredding the little confidence and appreciation we have left for eachother. For everyone who doesn't know yet (which is pretty much everyone, since only one or two people have been told), the wedding has been postponed until further notice. The stress of a rocky engagement coupled with Justin moving to Rhode Island (still up in the air, at the moment)- among other things- has proved to be too much for the two of us to cope with in the midst of wedding planning. So for now we'll just wait it out and enjoy our time together....hopefully.

I never realized the affect being without a phone would have on me. Apart from feeling disconnected from my friends, I feel disconnected from the world. I get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch some Netflix, and go to bed. Lather, Rinse, and Repeat. The only truly enjoyable part of my week is when we're in Jacksonville, forgetting about reality and the stress that being "home" entails. But even that is just a feeble attempt to run from the issues and hide behind something that isn't real. I'm not used to being fake, or settling for an existence that is simply "content".

I want to be full of life, and laughter. I want my ideals and virtues to revolve around my Father, and be constantly reminded of His wonder and glory. I want a Love that is wholesome and blessed, strong and pliable, and one that is constructed to bring honor to Him rather than to a future that was never really ours in the first place. I want to feel free. I want to feel liberated. I want my David Kossin back. I want to be closer to Daniel Bell. I want Lauren McLeod to move in next door. I want the V-clan to resurrect under different pretenses: we had multiple falling outs and eventually came back together, but I miss my girls. 

Who am I?

Does anyone remember seeing which way I went?

I reserve the right to arm bears.

I think it's safe to say that the past few weeks have fallen short of my expectations, but it's about time I took back my life. We were blessed to spend a wonderful weekend in Jacksonville with JB's parents that really helped ease our stress. Of course, I felt like I was melting in his Jeep on the drive to and from without the AC, but it was well worth it. And with my car all fixed up, I won't have that problem on the trip next weekend!

In other news, JB and I made an addition to our little "family". His name is Renegade! He's a red dragon betta fish....and NO we weren't researching ways to make our betta fish a champion betta fighter. It'll be great to have a pet that doesn't require a lot of maintenance...and one that can spend some time at Justin's house until he leaves for OCS (he doesn't know that little tidbit yet). I'll be spending the rest of the week enjoying my FINAL few days at Florida State, studying for exams, helping Meridian Woods set up for vacation bible school, and getting ready for my first day of an actual career! Hooyah! (....I can say that now!)

There have been a lot of people who have been trying to get me to talk about some things I had previously not wanted to bring out due to the fact that I was being pressured by my parents to live a certain way and follow a particular path that was not the one that He had in mind for me. Of course, what I'm referring to is graduate school. Given the circumstances and the recent surge of maturity, it seems like the perfect time to come clean. I had previously avoided the topic in great detail because I felt guilty for the way I handled the situation, but simultaneously plagued by a great sense of dread. My decision to reject my acceptance into the Florida State University Clinical Behavior Graduate Program came with tremendous ease, but not when it came to sharing said plan with my parents. It felt good knowing that my hard work had gotten me that far, but God was pushing me toward a different door. And now that I've been offered (and accepted) a full time position at a state agency, it's impossible to deny His plans for me.

While I'm here, I'd also like to ask for prayers for my faith. My spiritual life has somewhat dwindled with the anticipated wedding (and the frustrations that have exploded from said announcement), and I've found myself unable to focus on the Word. I feel disconnected when I pray; distracted and fake. I miss that place where I felt safe and secure. I feel like I'm on the right path on my way to that somewhere that I'm supposed to be going, but I forgot to pack an overnight bag containing all of the essentials. My tenderness, my strength, my compassion, my patience, my purity of mind: I've abandoned it all for worldly worries. More frequently, I hear Justin questioning my faith and asking me to set a better example (in so many words).

I've forgotten You, Father. And I want to go home.

Just like to give a quick shout out to my little brother: Congrats on graduating high school, Zak! You've made it! And I couldn't be more proud. We've had our ups and downs (and plenty of upside-downs, as well), but I'm glad that you've pushed yourself to be the man I knew was in you. Welcome to the real world. 

Oh....and the most recent good news: I now have the house to myself. Tonight after decorating for VBS, I came home to an empty (filthy) house. I suppose if I'm going to be paying the entire rent here, I'd like to enjoy what I'm paying for! I started cleaning the first floor tonight. I'm going to pick up some boxes and more cleaning supplies tomorrow and get this place in order. :)

Investments: commence et fin.

I don't remember previous summer sessions going by so quickly; I'm almost through week two of six. Four more weeks until I'm finished with my undergraduate career! Luckily, big changes are headed my way.

My 21st birthday is rapidly approaching. I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, I'm excited to finally be able to do all those things I couldn't do because I was a 20 year old. Not that I'll be drinking or anything, but just having that freedom makes me feel a little cooler. On the other hand, I feel like I should be doing something to celebrate, but I'm simply too exhausted. Plans for my parents to be here were thwarted, and then plans to get out of town were made impossible by the holiday weekend tourism, so I think we're just going to enjoy a quiet weekend in Tallahassee. And all hope of that "I'M LEGAL!" sash and tiara is pretty much out the window because I just won't have anywhere to wear it (haha). The good news: I already bought myself a birthday present. This little piggy went to Sam's house! Guess what Kaylee Farnsworth???? I don't need to steal yours because I went out and bought my own.

A few people have heard, but it's really just a new development that I'm going to be moving out of my townhouse and (most likely) in with my dearest Lynn. I'm not excited to lose Alaina to Tampa, but I'm thankful that I'll be able to save a little more money every month, as well as sharing some great company. In addition to that, I may very well be getting a full time position at DCF (Department of Children and Families), but it's not a done deal yet-there's just been some talk. It will be a perfect transition directly after this last semester! It's definitely obvious that God has shown His light on me. I am truly blessed.

Yesterday was Leo's official birthday. Why do people think it's weird that I acknowledge my dog's birthday? I don't know. I enjoy it. We're not celebrating until today though, when Justin gets home from Jacksonville. Speaking of Jacksonville, his meeting with his CO went spectacularly. Instead of what we anticipated to be a scolding and possible consequences, he received an official promotion and a pay increase! May has held nothing but surprises and blessings for us. And just as soon as he gets back in town, I'll finally be able to sleep better.


Unrelated: everyone should watch The Odyssey at least once in their life. Watching it tonight really gave me a new appreciation for JB's six month deployments. Penelope waited 20 years for her husband! What a woman. I don't know if I'd have that same kind of patience and dedication. If the rest of the Navy returned without him, I'd be like, "Yea, he's dead." [Insert tears and etc here.]

Other than elevator music, my mind still continues to allow me to procrastinate: wedding, wedding planning, and my wedding dress, just to start. The catalogs keep pouring in! I was even bold enough to ask Justin to ask me to marry him in the morning so I could spend the rest of the day dress shopping. Sigh. I'm a mess. An "I-can't-wait-to-marry-the-man-of-my-dreams-and-wear-bride-to-be-shirts-everyday" mess. 

Give me answers!

The haircut went better than expected. Turns out that my fear of bangs was a little unfounded, and that my face is "the perfect shape" for them. Though they prove to be a lot of work for my extremely curly hair, I'm loving the new "doo" more each day! The style is perfect for all the new changes approaching all-too-quickly.

For those who know the troubles I face with purity in my relationship (those who don't, do now!)-I realized a simple solution to my problem, dealt with it (on a clinical level), and now feel like I'm back on track for good (because the only choice, now, is not an option for me). The first downside to this is that I'm suffering like the rest of the women I know; a victim to the thrills of womanhood. Yay me. The second downside I'm experiencing is that I feel like the pressure has decreased my urges, but that I'm the only one (which is to be expected).

In almost another issue entirely, I feel like I'm putting JB through a roller coaster of new changes: the hair, the moodiness that comes with a new (and foreign) monthly visitor, and wedding planning (among a laundry list of other things). I've been stubborn and unsympathetic toward his (lack of) adjustment, and I've been pushing him to move faster and faster so that I don't have to sit here and wait for my life to begin while he hangs on to the precious little time he has left before everything changes in August. I'm done writing this chapter and I'm having a little bit of difficulty realizing that Justin and I aren't writing at the same pace.

***

Sad, sad news for those who know how much I love my "red car".....It has reached its imminent death this past week. The good news, however, is that on my birthday, a (christian!!) machine shop here in Tally will be building me a COMPLETELY new motor so that I can get at least 15 more years out of my darling convertible with no problems. So for now, just keep a look out for me on my bike (if it's not too terribly hot) or waiting for the bus around town! Only 26 more days to go until my 21st birthday! That's the important one right? The one where I become a woman? Or was that 13? I don't know....either way, I'll just be glad to pass this milestone. I'll be that much closer to my future.

Things I'm trying to work on:

• Not being bossy
• Not caring about clothes so much that it consumes me
• Not criticizing the people I love
• Not being so brutally honest, but finding a "softer" way to have an opinion
• Slowing down so that I don't ruin the process
• Eliminating procrastination
• Saving money

Thankfully, he made it through graduation. It really was a great day full of exciting twists. We spent Friday night with his parents, and then met up with them in the morning for the ceremony. It was long, but it was worth it to see his smile beam across the stage. (We got excellent seats courtesy of his mother's friend's advice.) I can't wait until these 6 weeks pass by and I can finally feel that relief of being finished. Then in August I'll get to feel that same Seminole pride and accomplishment. Oh! And for all who were wondering, I never did turn in that essay. I felt a little failure, but then realized that between pneumonia and finals and taking care of Justin and trying to stay alive....I simply cared about making it through the semester. Not to mention, this DIS doesn't count any longer since I dropped Criminology to my minor. If I'm lucky, he'll give me a "D" instead of failing me, and I'll still pass the class with a "Satisfactory".

Let's get this started. 

Let's get this finished. 

Only 6 more weeks to go before I can say I did it. JB might be watching me walk across the stage via webcast, but at least he'll be in my heart....and by that time, I know I'll be able to say that I'll be well on my way toward starting my new chapter. Patience, friends, is the companion of wisdom. If college has taught me anything it's that having both is absolutely necessary if I think I have what it takes to make it as a military wife.  

Scene.

Updated Essay-Thanks Everyone!!

Since there were so many people that were helpful, I've decided to post the essay.

Please excuse the lack of colorful analogies and excitement that you're used to;

this was cut and dry. I didn't even bother using third person.

I suppose worse things have been handed in. :-P

Generally, I like to say that I’m middle of the road when it comes to sentencing a serial murderer to death, but that’s not an option, so I’m electing, “Yes (as in, I support capital punishment), but with some exceptions.” As a Christian, it’s often difficult to look at the men and women on death row who have committed heinous murders and think, “Kill ‘em.” Believers and nonbelievers alike go back and forth setting conditions for which they believe a specific individual should be eliminated from society; it is not every day you meet a person who can go either way 100% of the time.

He who strikes a man, so that he dies, shall surely be put to death. Exodus 21:12

Not long ago, I watched a documentary entitled At the Death House Door directed by Steven James and Peter Gilbert.  It interviewed a minister by the name of Carroll Pickett; a man who was transformed from pro-capital punishment to anti-capital punishment when he became the Chaplan for the Huntsville Unit Prison in Corpus Cristi, Texas. As the last person to talk to the inmates, Pickett recounts gruesome details of guilty men claiming innocence until the very end and innocent men accepting their fate.

Before seeing this documentary, I was pro-capital punishment. If you kill a man in cold blood, you deserve the same. I couldn’t stomach the thought of an individual killing someone I cared about and then getting to spend their lives in the general population (or even in solitary) in prison. The knowledge that most sentences usually don’t last their entire suggested duration also tugged at my heart. What if the offender was released and sought revenge? Or killed again? Of course, there are always those people who suffer from an inability to control themselves or their actions based on biological dispositions. If a schizophrenic suffers from auditory and visual hallucinations, he or she who looks like an innocent victim to us might look like a Nazi to a Jew, or an abusive father to an abused son. These select few individuals need intense treatment, and should not be killed for their inability to determine right from wrong under the circumstances, but should never be allowed to return to society again.

After the documentary, however, I was even more confused about my position on capital punishment. Based on the inconsistencies of the criminal justice system, identifying the wrong killer, not getting an appropriate sentence, or even not being able to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt prevent me from making a definite decision whether or not I support the death penalty.

My feelings about serial murderers, however, are slightly different. John Wayne Gacy raped and murdered 33 teenage boys. Eddie Gein killed his victims and made novelties out of their skin. Albert Fish lured children to their death and then devoured them. Robert Pickton killed over 60 women in the sex trade business as his guilty pleasure. These individuals are not only dangerous, but evil in its purest form.

The Objections

                Though I don’t often venture toward such a controversial matter, a general theme of morality applies to this topic. One objection to my opinion is:

He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first. John 8:7

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Matthew 7:1

Something I often hear people (Christians and nonbelievers alike) say is that, “If [you] are so God-like, [you] would reserve judgment for God”: that, by God, we are instructed to love and forgive despite the transgressions done unto us. Forgive and forget, they say. A person who does not support the death penalty might reference the story of the adultress who is sentenced to be stoned (John 8).  Jesus saves the woman from being stoned by using words that can loosely be translated as “Let he without sin, cast the first stone.” If you are a Christian, you acknowledge that Jesus was the only man without sin. If you are not, you acknowledge that you have sin, but you (hopefully) just do your best to be a good person. Due to the fact that we are all sinners, we have no right to “cast the first stone” or judge anyone else who has sinned.

Another objection to my opinion could be that “two wrongs don’t make a right”. This argument is usually coupled with the argument that all life is sacred. The picture to the right is an excellent example of this idea. How can we support killing people for killing people in order to demonstrate that killing people is wrong? We are just creating a cycle of violence that doesn’t solve anything; it just adds another tally to the list of those killed inhumanely. Are we any better than the murderer if we sentence them to death?

The Rebuttal

Bible verses are frequently misinterpreted, especially by those who don’t see the verses in their context. In John 8, the Pharisees were setting up a ploy to trap Jesus between two types of rules: Roman law and the Mosaic law. If Jesus said that they should stone her, He would violate the Roman law. If He supported the stoning, He would break the Mosaic law. Jesus cleverly avoided the trap by trapping the Pharisees instead. The second half of that argument, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged”, is also a matter of interpretation. What the Bible actually says is that we are supposed to avoid judging hypocritically (John 7:2-5) by judging with careful discernment (John 7:24).  If you observe someone close to you sinning, the Bible instructs you to confront them lovingly to help them bring their sins to the table (Matthew 18:15-17). Therefore, if you, yourself, can say that you would not commit murder against another human being, I believe that it is appropriate to pass judgment against someone who (without the imposition of a mental disorder) would.

The second objection is a little more difficult to rebut, but Scripture is always a safe way to find those controversial answers that you seek. Though used interchangeably in our society, one must acknowledge the difference between “murder” and “kill”.  Murder is forbidden by law, and in the case of this debate, serial murders are often very carefully planned. The killing of someone is a consequence of murder. The Bible teaches that murder is wrong, not killing. Unfortunately, these two words have gotten lost in translations of the Bible and make it incredibly difficult to have an opinion on the death penalty if you’re not familiar with the history of the language. In every section of the Bible, there is evidence that capital punishment is supported. In the Old Testament, Numbers 35:31 says, Moreover ye shall take no satisfaction for the life of a murderer, which [is] guilty of death: but he shall be surely put to death. In the New Testament, Matthew 15:3-4 says "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying... `He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death,’” implying that not the Commandments are to not to be disregarded over time. Most importantly, in Exodus 21 it teaches that our government is responsible for punishing these murderers.

 Ultimately, there will always be a moment when you go back on your word and turn your back on your own opinion. Capital punishment is no different. Though my opinion is that the majority of serial killers have sealed his or her own fate, there are a number of exceptions that sway my opinion, and will continue to do so as my faith and knowledge of God grows.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Let the countdown begin: I've got less than three weeks to pump out an entire thesis paper that I've barely started researching and a twelve page clinical analysis on a serial killer (it sounds fun, but don't let that fool you). And that doesn't include finals week and all the tests in between. Grab some coffee, get your butt in a comfy seat, and enjoy the latest rant.

For those who haven't already heard, grad school is a "no-go" at the moment, and my academic motivation is decreasing rapidly. My mother wants me to go, but I've realized my calling, and it's not a $23,000 education. Not right now, at least. Some good news this week: I got a 93% in my neuropsych lab as the final grade! Some bad news: I failed the second (out of two) criminal behavior test. And I mean bombed it. My first college 'F'. It burns! Granted, this is the teacher that just assigns readings and never talks about them and then tests us on them (also, his class is during the hours that I have to work, so I rarely have the chance to come to class and watch his terrible VCR recordings from the 60s about psychopathic tendencies as portrayed in the media), but I should probably stop making excuses and take responsibility for the fact that I'm starting to lose interest in some of the things I once cared about.

I didn't realize that by having to drop criminology from my major to my minor affected me as much as it did until I started thinking about ways I could drop my DIS class. I'm going to kill myself for a thesis-level paper that no longer counts for anything. All because of a woman (my academic advisor) who is completely incompetent (and currently under academic investigation)...and that upsets me! My parents might blame my dedication to church, Justin might blame himself, but it really just comes down to me. I hate school. In fact, it's really no secret that I've always hated school. Now that I know I have nothing else to work toward except my graduation date this summer, I don't care enough to apply myself. I'm so happy around God and my friends and Katie and the baby (and my hubbie, of course), that I just don't want to be bothered by reality. Survival is the goal! What's a girl to do?

***

Sonshine State at Florida Bible Camp was definitely an experience for me. There were (plenty o') times that I really just wanted to get in Justin's jeep and speed away toward Tallahassee, but it was worth it to stick it out. The hard beds, the cold showers, the flooded bathrooms, and the bugs and dirt and grossness everywhere were really enough to scare me away from going on another retreat...ever. But for that moment, I swallowed my princess attitude and put on my warrior-for-God face. When I let Him, God opened my eyes to see a dirty camp transformed into a wonderland of opportunity abounding with the lost and lonely looking for a hand to reach out and save them from drowning. My heart often gets cloudy when I feel I'm stronger in my faith than the people around me. My God does a great job at keeping my snotty butt in check!


I was absolutely humbled by a guy in our "breakout" group that had turned his life around for Christ and knew the Word backward and forward. WOW! It was so intimidating to see someone my age quote and interpret scripture like a second language. And I thought I was good? Psh. I have a long time before I get that good.



 The speaker, Clint Hill, was truly an awesome individual! If you haven't added him on Facebook, you need to! His story and his ministry are equally inspiring. You laugh, you cry, and you learn how to make steps you previously couldn't....or wouldn't. My absolute favorite part of the weekend, however, was the arrival of the foster children. Justin and I were very blessed to hang out with an awesome little man named Alex. At first, this five year old wanted nothing to do with us, and was even a little scared of me as I held my hand out to give him a high five, but as we painted with him, as Justin built him a sailboat, as we played in the bounce house, and slid down the slides in the playground, he came out of his shell and ran around like the most energetic five year old I've ever seen.

I even played in a basketball tournament! (Now if only I knew how to play basketball.....) It's true that I was only on the court for about 45 seconds before it ended up in terrible disaster (see picture for details), but I still played, and still lost the game like a champ. I know that neither Justin nor I will be visiting FBC anytime soon, but one day, I hope to go back and have myself a good time playing in the woods.

Artistic liberty?

On a much happier note, this week Justin and I will be halfway through our counseling experience, and I can definitely see the way it has affected us on a much deeper level than I ever expected. I feel like we're able to communicate our emotions instead of worrying about the anticipation of a blow out. And it's filtering out to other areas of our life. We're working on our friendships with people we have left in the dust, and forgiving those who don't necessarily deserve it. We're getting better at quick conflict resolution instead of letting an insult ruin an entire day. I wake up each day falling more and more in love with him, and never regretting a single decision I've made thus far.

Ever since I was started getting into relationships at a young age, I had been looking for a similar love I [now] share with my number one Bridegroom, but had been incredibly unsuccessful. I'd been searching for a worldly man to fill that void in my heart, when what I was really missing was Him. It wasn't until I stopped looking and wanting that He gave me a wonderful blessing. Say what you want, World, but [He] knows the plans [He] has for [me] and I'm not fighting it anymore (Jeremiah 29:11). I also can't listen to what others say about my choices. Justin and I have wonderful mentors, and look up to some very special people. They see the adoration we have for eachother, and the storms we weather with His ever-merciful Love and Grace.

Mom....Dad....

I love you both so very much,

but the time that you can make my choices for

me is coming to a close. I'm not ready to grow up,

but who is? You say I'm too young, you say I'm

out of my mind...but like my faith, I expect my

God-written love story to be criticized until the very end.

Love is supposed to be hard, and marriage is supposed to be harder. This won't be any cake-walk, but no great cake is store bought, right? It's about keeping the faith, and getting stronger through our struggles. I'm ready, God. Hit me with your best shot. (Ok, maybe not your best shot. Maybe just a little challenge here and there.)
 

I'd like to take a second to make a little shout-out to someone who never misses my blog updates: I miss you. I miss our talks and the way I could just drive to your house when I was upset. I miss spending the afternoon just sitting on the porch with you, or just enjoying "jammy day" when we felt like we just needed a day to be lazy. I miss having to take day trips down to South Florida because of my shoulder surgery, but I secretly enjoyed using your house as my "rest-stop". More than anything, I appreciate the way you support my decisions, no matter what the outcome is, or what your opinion is on the situation. I know you feel like I never think about you, or that I haven't needed you since I've found a church family. But I want you to know that you're always on my mind, and that I never stop questioning ways in which to make you proud of me. I'll never forget where I came from, and the woman who helped me become who I am today. And for that, Nana, I love you.

WWJD for a Klondike Bar?

Just a late night afterthought.....

It wasn't until today that I realized how much I enjoy having something I have to fight for. JB and I have experienced such ups and downs that I'd been back and forth with how much I was willing to sacrifice for this relationship. I had so many people telling me to go, and a handful of others urging me to stick it out, and yet the only voice I truly yearned to hear wasn't speaking loud enough.

And I think that's where a lot of people (myself included) get lost on their journey. This whole time, I'd been waiting for a sign, waiting for a prophetic dream; something to fall in my lap to show me that I was making the right or wrong decision by choosing to marry into a relationship that had already seen so many storms.

 As for me, I call to God, 

and the LORD saves me. 

Evening, morning and noon 

I cry out in distress, 

and he hears my voice. 

He rescues me unharmed
   from the battle waged against me, 

even though many oppose me. 

                                            Psalms 55:16-18

My problem was that I was always harboring a negative attitude when there was negative energy between us. It was always, I've never had to work this hard to keep something together before, when what I really meant was, I've never had to work this hard to get someone to accept who I was. Every time we get into an argument, the adversary immediately poses the question: Why stay? As I contemplate the question, Justin says something that digs a deeper hole, and continues to sour my mood, but I sit there in silence thinking, why stay? But after some serious prayer, a pros and cons list, and a little personal pep-talk, the LORD'S strength fills me and I feel completely wrapped in His love! My heart is always softened by Justin's feeble attempt to apologize, I quickly realize that our troubles are inconceivably immature, and I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck and whisper, I forgive you.

Day after day, and each time we step out onto that battlefield, I try to settle the score as fairly as Jesus would. What would Jesus do? I find myself asking that nearly everyday. Our relationship is filled with flaws, and more importantly--personal issues that I pray will be worked out with the help of Adam and Crystal, and their incredible honesty and friendship. Too often, we (as college kids, as young adults, as humans) find ourselves always concentrating on what life doesn't have to offer, and ignore the wonderful blessings He has given to each and every one of us.

What are you thankful for today?

Dogs that push shopping carts?

FSU killing Wake Forest in Friday's baseball game?

Or just seeing someone you love standing up for something you believe in?

I pray that each one of you continues to open your heart to the Lord, and that you won't be thwarted by the adversary's attempts to tempt you with worldly promises that he cannot fulfill. God is the only way to  salvation; don't let him tell you otherwise. At times, you may feel like your fight for happiness is worthless when it causes you so much pain, but I assure you, friends, it is worth every tear you shed, every broken heart you feel, every class you fail, and every disappointment you cause. Know that our God looks down upon you and smiles at your progress! He would much rather watch His lost sheep make their journey than see those He has already softened at a standstill. <3