50 Shades of Terrible Literature

Here we are. Two young (well, I'm young) adults enjoying patio chairs in an under-furnished living room, finishing out the weekend with ham and turkey sandwiches and MLB and homework.

David is hyperventilating next to me; second guessing the answers on his math test; working fervently and asking me questions I don't have the answers to. I don't know anything but basic math and, strangely, extremely difficult calculus. What happened to the in-between? I haven't a clue. Thanks, Mr. Powers, for making calculus so fun. After high school, I took some calc classes at Florida State and basic algebra fell to the wayside. I can't understand the bottom from the top. Plain and simply, I am mathematically useless.

Leo is sleeping on the floor between our feet. He does a lot of sleeping. Sleeping and peeing and chasing his green ball. His favorite activities.

Check out my very happy man.

As a passing thought and the inspiration for this blog title, I'm currently reading the 50 Shades of Grey series. 

The writing is terrible. 

The smut is highly unrealistic and exaggerated. 

It's pretty much literary porn. 

I find myself rolling my eyes at everything.  

And I wouldn't give it my recommendations for a good read. 

The only reason I'm still reading it is because I've already purchased all the books. 

Poor me.

 *****

After weeks of being MIA from Nail Files, I'll definitely be posting next week with my latest nail creation. I've finally removed the acrylics and I'm back to my old ways; coming up with fun, lovely, tiny works of art. Without officially linking up, here's this week's:

Yes, thank you for noticing, I have a new phone camera. It's not an iPhone, but it'll do. I was due for a free upgrade on my Android. Honestly, I love it. I may stick with this one and avoid the iPhone all together. It has everything I want, everything is unlimited, and I'm only paying $50 a month. 

Today, I'm 22 years young. It's strange to think that I've surpassed 21 (shut my mouth, right?). So much has happened to me in my short years. Most significantly (sans the best and worst of people):

New Jersey

Soccer

Florida

Music

IB

Tallahassee

Bachelor's

Meridian Woods

Engagement

Lawsuit 

Disengagement

Master's

North Carolina

And so we find ourselves in the present. I've seen the best and I've seen the worst. I've had plenty of, barely enough of, and dangerously low amounts of money. I've partied in the coolest clubs, and sat through the most humbling worship services. I've seen God, and I've seen Satan. I've been lost, and I've been found. I've known love, and I've battled hate. It has been a most trying, albeit exciting, 22 years.

Today, we got a pot and pan or two after surviving for a week without any kind of kitchen hardware. The Hindman family threw me a wonderfully pleasant birthday lunch. We slept. We read. We homeworked. And hopefully this week, we'll start jobs, we'll find a church home, and we'll testify to the safety and security that God provides.

Thanks, everyone who gave me thoughtful birthday wishes.
Thanks, everyone who's helped with the moving and the finances and the tough decisions.
And thanks, of course, for reading.

xoxo

New beginnings.

Whew! So...my last week's freakout has not been lost on me. I'd like to blame it on my very carefully hidden Puerto-Rican-ness, but it was all me. Too real. A perfect representation of how passionate I am about what I believe in. After last week, I'll be lucky to get one or two readers from now on. But in all reality, I'm sure the haters will still read: that's just human nature.

Plenty of good news. A pinch of bad news. But mostly just good news. 

I'm currently scheduled to pick up two jobs. One of which I start tomorrow. I've still been applying for a bunch, trying to find the best fit for our budget. David is busy busy busy applying for the "thousands" of jobs here in banking city. So that's exciting. Prayers greatly appreciated.

Our home! It's wonderful! It's a 2/1 in an awesome, beautiful, friendly community. it's got plenty of space for all of our stuff, an awesome fireplace, a walk-in closet, and a balcony. Leo loves it. Especially all the food and shopping around us. Having limited funds does not help me (or Leo) here.

David's car, on the other hand, is somewhere in Georgia at the moment. No thanks to the u-haul man, we're now a car short. The entire trip up here ended up being a 17 hour ordeal after being stranded in B.F.E. for 7 hours. That's really the only bad news. Oh, and the fact that someone labeled one of the boxes Pots and Pans, only to discover that there were not actually pots and pans in said box. That and we don't have a microwave. So we're eating fruit snacks and cereal. Yay!

Only 6ish days until my 22nd birthday. Man I'm getting old! (David will resent that.) We anticipated company this weekend, but it looks like money is tight for everyone. So family time instead.

Loving Charlotte!

Pictures soon.

xoxo

Cohabitation, Judgment, and Wonderment.

WHY IS IT SO DARK IN THIS HOUSE?

I can never see anything. I'm always fumbling around trying to find a light switch, most of which don't even bother working. And the lights that do work are much the same as candle light. Stupid 1 million year old house.

Seriously though. I'm going to miss it here. I'm going to miss my roommates (however slobby) and the games we play. I'm going to miss watching GCB with Mal on the dankest couches I've ever had the displeasure of sitting on. I'm going to miss teasing Maggs about sleeping in her bed while she's away. I'm going to miss being able to vent about my day and boys and stupidity. Not that I can't do that with David, sans the high pitched voices and exaggerated excitement.

This week has been interesting, to say the least. I think today was the second time since I've been at my home church that I've felt trapped and uncomfortable. Both of which (not surprisingly) have had to do with my relationship with David. 

We've received a little backlash this week from people who don't agree with our living situation. The whole not being married, but living together thing really gets under people's skin. I suppose that's the danger of revealing too much of yourself to your church "family". It's no surprise that one of the biggest complaints that non-Christians have about Christians is that there is so much hypocrisy and so much judgment--most of which is unbeknownst to the offender. It's that boldness that encourages people to say what they want to say without knowing anything about anything. Sometimes good. But usually just bad. Though you really aren't entitled to this, know that David and I have a good, healthy, Godly relationship. And it's been that way since we started dating. Say what you will: your mistakes and inhibitions are not mine to bear. While I understand that *you* (ahem) might be concerned for me (us), and feel your opinion need be heard, there is a time, a place, and a way to communicate. Do be mindful of how words are quickly misconstrued and have significant impact on your Christian (or otherwise) relationship. Not to mention, I actually thrive on people telling me what I can not do. So thank you, doubters, for making it even easier for us decide. I'll close this rant by saying that all of the parents are 100% behind us, and that God continues to pour blessing after blessing upon us; reaffirming and solidifying our decision. He is SO good to us.

There's still so much to do! 

So far, we've started packing up our perspective places, and bought an awesome washer/dryer set for a decent price. For whatever reason, it finally feels real. Making big purchases and big decisions always seems to have that effect on me. Tomorrow it'll be all about securing a house (hopefully it's still available!!) and running errands. Friday, we'll pick up the UHaul and Saturday we'll be out of here. Sunday through Thursday, we'll be unpacking and getting settled. Friday will be my meeting with the family I'll be working for, and on Saturday, Lauren and Tyler will be visiting with us in our new place and helping celebrate my 22nd birthday. Still nothing in the way of exercising and homework. Hopefully, everything will go back to normal after the move.

More updates soon.

Stay classy!

xoxo

The newest news that I know.

Let's talk about what I should be doing.

WHY must I have homework due (and lots of it!!) when important things happen in my life?

Seven days ago, I was fired from a job that I hated. Today, I was called by two new employers looking to hire me; one of which was in Tallahassee, the other of which was in Charlotte.

For all those not up-to-date on our business, we have spent the last week putting in dozens (literally) of applications. To be safe, we put in a few for Tallahassee. But we'd been hopeful that God would give us the opportunity to use this "end" as a new beginning. For a week, I've been praying hard, and asking for direction. When I got the call today about the position in North Carolina, I couldn't have been more ecstatic...or more sure that this is what we were supposed to be doing. I was practically screaming my excitement at David. And the job is perfect! More about that when it feels more real. For now, I just want to cry. So much to do in so little time. Leaving everything behind. Moving to a new place where I don't know anyone. Ya know.

So now it's that really annoying part of reality where I have to start thinking about expenses and have to make sure we have somewhere to live in the next week. We've got lots to pack, lots to toss, and lots to prepare for. Coming to Tallahassee was liberating because I knew I'd be out of my parents house, and on to new things. But sh** just got real, fools! For the first time, I'm taking a [monstrous] leap of faith without having much security. Soon, I'll be catching you up from our (gasp!) couch in our new apartment. What?

Oh, and while I have you here:

WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED. 

That seems to be the real issue (for the people we've told) with this whole moving in together thing. *Gag* Dealing with his night gas is enough. To damn myself for the rest of my life is a big step that I'm not willing to take just yet. But seriously. Let me help you off that high horse. I've been there, done that. Everyone remember Justin? Too soon, people. Too soon.

Moving right along.

If you're local and want to help, it would be much appreciated. We need some serious lifting and packing assistance. I believe we were talking about getting the truck on Saturday morning (19th) and heading out the same day. Unfortunately, this cuts into our first 5kness. Obviously, we can't be caught up worrying about 5king when we're planning on moving the same day. Priorities, right? Priorities and sadness. Speaking of fitness, I haven't run in what feels like forever. Homework and working out. Two things I have not attended to at all this week. Excellent.

Blessings in disguise

For those of you who haven't heard...work and I broke up. A sad reality...or not? It is really quite hysterical since I've been droning on about how much I hated my job. Unfortunately, now, we're just two unemployed bums looking for the big break. Luckily, they "were not required to give me a reason for termination", so I could apply for unemployment. Still. You're taking away my livelihood. Some explanation would have been appreciated. Turns out that I'm not the first (and assuredly not the last) to get terminated for standing up to management (ie. making it known that I was unhappy about the way things were being run). I think the saddest part about the whole ordeal is how close I was with my supervisor. She knew that David and I were pretty much sharing my income. She knew how much pressure I was under both at work and as the sole provider. Point and case why you should keep your superiors at a distance. I get too friendly. I'm your average chatty Kathy. I crave those friendships. This is my first to have gone sour, though. Sometimes a power trip is just what someone needs to ruin everything. But what goes around comes around, darling. No hard feelings.

These types of situations generally have good outcomes for me. God is so good! And He blesses my life in the strangest ways. We're hardcore looking for cash. But most importantly, we're looking for a new start. Somewhere new. Unless something pops up unexpectedly, I'd like to be done with Tallahassee. So we're searching. Searching for jobs elsewhere. Determining our budget for cute houses and apartments much sooner than I ever thought we would. And like everything, He will show us the way. In the meantime, we have SO much time to spend together, complete with sleeping in (for like the first time ever) and having the entire day to just get things done. So far, we've managed to visit my favorite museum in town, spend time with friends, exercise, set up a (one time) job for easy money (any one else need a home cleaning service?), make plans, and stay up all night talking without feeling rushed or obligated to hit the sack before 3am. And now, as 2am rounds the bend, I feel sort of liberated. The taste of freedom is so sweet. Let's hear it for not waking up and hating my life. Woo!

Yea, we actually go out in public like this.

And the best part about it? My darling David has been so wonderfully supportive. Sometimes he knows just what to say. I'm lucky.

On a crappy note, the straightener I bought (before the break up, mind you) arrived on Friday WITH EUROPEAN PLUGS. I mean...really? Really. You're an American. Selling products in America. And you don't bother to put on the item description that the product will be pretty much useless unless I want to spend more money to buy a converter? Jesus. The nerve!

I feel like I'll be blogging less regularly since I'll be spending more time at home. I should be able to get more homework, cleaning, and reading done. Speaking of homework, I have a 7 page paper due tomorrow night (tonight?). I should probably start that. I could say that I'm torn up about my job situation and couldn't bare to think about academics, but I'd be lying. No matter what, I still would have left it until the last minute. World's best procrastinator, people.

Thanks for the continued support through this crappy ordeal, dolls!

xoxo

Not a song link-up

Hello, no-longer-link-up-Thursday. What a beautiful sunshiney day.

Seriously though.

I'm sitting at my desk contemplating why I still work here. And how much longer. Let's analyze:

• Yay! I have a job.
• Yay! Ability to pay bills.
• Yay! No credit cards = no credit card debt.
• Yay! Fun trips with the beau.
• Yay! Leo doesn't starve.
• Yay! I don't starve.
• Yay! New things to feed my shopping addiction.

Why is money an essential part of my life??? I should have married rich. That's what my momma always told me to do. Sadness. Instead, I'm fending for myself and David on a meager $12/hour paycheck. Pretty good compared to other recent graduates, but I desperately need want something new before I jump out the window of the fourth floor of this stupid building. I wouldn't even die. I might just break a leg or two...if I'm lucky. If I could even break the window. I think we have that thick, bullet proof glass. It's a pipe dream, really.

That awkward moment when:

Everyone understands that you hate your job.

You hear that your "friend" is not really your friend, but secretly bitter that you undermine their authority by sticking up for yourself.
You understand all the horrible things people said about working for the state.

You feel guilty because you should appreciate the things you have.

You fail at being grateful, so you go back to hating it.

That's enough for now. Enjoy this song.

xoxo

The incredibly long post that describes my terrible pre-Easter Saturday.

School starts today.
South Florida in 4 days.
DB and David and Miami in 9 days.
Wedding in 11 days.
Busch Gardens in 12 days.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter/Passover weekend. Mine was absolutely ridiculous. Let me recap for you:

Saturday, David and I brought my car in for an oil change. Yay for knowing the manager and getting $20 off of my service (for a grand total of $18.60).

In the midst of making sure I have everything I need for the wedding, we headed to Ross to shop for a dress for the rehearsal dinner. After dragging David around for a little under an hour, I finally found four that I thought would be winners. Less than five minutes after I tried them all on, I realized that I had left my phone in the fitting room and went back to retrieve it...only to find it empty. Panic set in after trying to remain optimistic about the loss, but after making several calls to my phone, the "finder" (that sounds so much better than thief) turned it off. Lost forever.

As a side note: Friday night, David and I found a phone on a bench at the lake where we run. Despite his protests to just leave the phone where it was, I called the numbers on the recent call list to locate the owner, and was able to return it. You'd think I'd have stirred up some good karma, right?

Anyway.

I left my information with customer service, and we headed back to the house so that I could activate an old phone that I had before my Android. Weirdly enough, this old phone was apparently "tied to another account" that was not mine. It would take at least 24 hours to investigate. Needless to say, David and I made a trip to the store to get a new phone that I didn't have the money for.

After that was taken care of, we headed to the mall to take pictures with the Easter bunny as a favor to my mother (a long standing tradition that she cannot survive without). I would post it if I had thought to scan it in before work. My hair looked absurd (and had--very obviously, if I might add--caught in the bunny's costumed hand...sigh) and we have our thumbs up like idiots. But much appreciation to my wonderfully supportive boyfriend. He stood in line for a whole hour while nap-deficient, rowdy kids swarmed around us like flies. We rewarded our patience with Auntie Anne's pretzels. Also a tradition.

And just because:

Right before we left the mall, a man called to say that he had found "a phone" in his girlfriend's purse, and saw that David had texted to "do the right thing" with his phone number. I'd like to believe that he was, in fact, doing the right thing, but my Droid became absolutely useless after I turned off the service and flagged it for theft. Then we got the call that it was "found". I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. The pickup was arranged, and I was ecstatic. It was a few moments later that I realized that my new phone was useless...and a complete waste of money.

Dammit.

What we were looking forward to was our Easter dinner plans with Mallory and James. My mother had reserved us a Honeybaked Ham that we were headed to get after our mall adventure. When I called to confirm with her, however, she told me that was supposed to have picked it up before 3pm. Cue aggravation. After arguing with her, Mallory suggested that we go to the store to see if anything could be done.

We went.

They provided.

Yay, ham.

Before heading back, we stopped at Sam's for remaining Easter dinner ingredients. Bravely, I decided to call my bank to see how much money was left from my pathetic paycheck. Did I even have enough to make the drive to South Florida? When I heard the balance, I almost had a heart attack. My new, non-smart phone phone was incapable of bringing up my bank account, so I used Mallory's. That number was no lie. I had miraculously acquired a substantial amount of money. What?? A little more investigation revealed that after two months of waiting for my tax return claim (there was some information that needed to be disputed), it had finally posted to my account. It was all I could do to hold back the tears in the middle of the checkout line. God is SO good!!

Sunday was much less frustrating. Church, nap, cooking, dinner, walking, David's house, Pirates of the Caribbean, home, Airplane, sleep. I meant to take a picture of our superb cooking, but I was too busy being a lard. I ate everything in sight. Yay, diet. We even decided to forego Day 2 of Week 8 in remembrance of the Resurrection Day (ie. we're fat and lazy and needed nap time). Also, most of my nails broke throughout the day. So now they're short and useless. Perfect timing, nails.

Oh, and David and I have registered for our first 5k on May 19th. If you're local, support the cause here.

***

There is still so much to be done before I leave for South Florida this Friday. I'm requesting prayers for David's sanity this week. I suppose for mine, as well. I can NOT wait for this month to be over. Happy Monday, dolls!

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

Why doesn't anyone want to Geocache with me? David Kossin is enjoying this scavenger game without me. Oh and before I forget, I've decided to start on Twitter (again); mostly due to the fact that my job is boring. (Let's get real, I get paid to tweet and blog and play free cell.) Find me at: GodStrongGirl. Also, if anyone was wondering, my mother has since decided to give me the car. That reminds me, I should probably go ahead and dismiss the case.

I wasn't really planning on blogging until after I came back from Georgia. I didn't know where this weekend was going to take me, and I didn't really want to assume what things were going on if they weren't really going on. At this point though, I think it's safe to say that what I'm feeling is real, and I don't think I'm alone in it. It's really a matter of when. While it's true that this (though vague) may come as a surprise (or maybe not), I'm excited about where it's going, and hopeful about the prospects.

If there's anything that I've learned this week, it's a) the power of prayer and b) the power of addressing a sensitive issue. As always, prayer has a way of both empowering and comforting you when you need someone to confide in. I found myself praying a lot more than usual this week. Praying for hope, strength, words, and patience. I'm not one of those who believe in keeping "patience" off the prayer list just because He will test your patience rather than grant it. I certainly needed it, and needed to know that the Spirit would calm me. And it did. I feel renewed in my whatever-it-is, and the tightening around my throat has relaxed, so to speak. It's refreshing, and I'm falling deeper into it every day. The most important part, though, is keeping my walls up. God is helping me guard my heart, just in case.

As for addressing an issue, I can't stress enough the importance of communication in any relationship; whether intimate or platonic. I've both suffered the consequences of not doing so, as well as the pleasure of giving advice about communication just this week. While there may be a level of uncomfortability and dread when it comes to confronting a person or an issue, there are few greater victories than that of the relief that washes over you when the air is finally cleared. I'd like to especially thank McLeod, Kossin, Brown, and Clapso for reaching out to me this week. It was much much needed.

In the past week, I've come to the conclusion that my spiritual life is lacking. Not in Scripture, or in Spirit, but in fellowship. It's weird to walk into a church and not seek the love and presence of a church family. While I do miss those at Meridian, I know that the change was much needed. I would have gone on the Girls' beach trip had it not been for the money I knew I'd be spending on this weekend's trip. In fact, tonight I'm going to be headed to the store to start on my grocery list.

This weekend, he and I (if you know, then you know) are headed to Blue Ridge with Lauren and Tyler, and another couple, Skylar and Carlos. Having another couple join us was a last minute thing, but I figure that it can only add to the fun, as well as save me some money (always a fan). This vacation will be the relaxation and lightheartedness that I've desperately needed for months now. No expectations, no pressure, and probably (hopefully) no cell phone reception. I'm sure the girls (especially Ms. McLeod and her photography skills-- http://www.laurenmphoto.com/) will be bringing their cameras. There's nothing more picturesque than being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by lush woods in the country's most quintessential getaway. Look for an update in the early part of next week for pictures!

Hope everyone is having a swell, stress-free week. Stay Blessed.

Questions and Dress Code

Why am I cleaning the house?
Because I like the way it smells when it's clean. Also because it makes me anxious when it's dirty.
Why am I making my bed?
I really don't have a logical answer. I think making the bed is pointless. I need to kick this habit.
Why can't I eat without feeling nauseous?
I'm beginning to think it depends on who I eat around.
Why doesn't Maggs love me like she used to?
Because I'm being a crappy friend, and I want to apologize for being selfish.
Why do I feel so giddy and anxious?
Probably because new things are happening. Lots of changes. Lots of verve.
Why do I keep looking at my phone?
I tell myself I'm not waiting on anything. Maybe it's just a nervous habit.
Why am I always so tired?
Because I stay up too late. Not that I've been minding it.
Where is Daniel Bell?
He reminds me of Carmen Sandiego.
Why is my smile so big?
If you only knew.
When is it alright to talk about my smile?
This one is really just rhetorical. Sorry for getting your hopes up.

Quickly and completely unrelated: I love when my ribs hurt.

I always laugh when someone asks me if something they have on is within the dress code here at the Hotline. Most of the time it's because I'm always getting in trouble for violating it. Either there's too much chest (I'm not going to dress like a grandma just because my chest happens to be bigger than yours) or too much leg (apparently long shorts don't count as capris). In high school, I constantly violated it because I really didn't care much for the restrictions. I pretty much did what I wanted (including, but not limited to, missing nearly an entire semester of school because I didn't feel like going). Also because I had plenty to gain from dressing the way I did (not that it was street-walker level, but it wasn't conservative by any means). Mon petit chou would probably say it's because I just have no respect for rules in general. Which is partially true. I wouldn't say that about all of them...I'm just not a fan of stupid rules. I've been thinking a lot about my inability to abide by them. I'm a rebel at heart, but need to live by society's boundaries in order to flourish. It's not fair that I can't wear cute dresses because it calls attention to my assets. I'm working on it.

In other news, I've managed to wake up nearly everyday this week with a smile on my face, more pep in my step, and a lighter heart. I'm sure this has a lot to do with the good-habit setting, and new excitement in my life; all of which I praise God for every day. He has showed me so much! I was fingerprinting two new workers at the Hotline; both of which were from the South Florida area, and went to high schools near mine. The first girl I fingerprinted was around the same age as me, and we started talking about why Tallahassee was bearable for me. My answer? God! I started talking about Meridian Woods and Capital City Christian, and she was ecstatic. We exchanged numbers, and she's hoping to find a church home. God is so good! The more I immerse myself in the Word, the more often I see Him shining through every aspect of my life.  I've got such great companions to walk with in my Faith, and I'm so very grateful that He's given me good company. Oh, and take some time to check out some of the pages on the top of the site; I'm still hashing out some of the kinks, but the prayer request section is up and running, and I'm excited to get your requests up.