#goals

One of the things that David and I have struggled with since moving here is finding our church "home". We attended a local Church of Christ for a spell, but still felt as though something were missing. We desperately craved the type of relationships we had at Meridian (you know, before things got crazy), but our chaotic schedules made regular attendance and fellowship difficult. At one point, we stopped going altogether. Curiously, even though we've found a different church that works for us, we're still inconvenienced by our hectic and demanding schedules. I'm finally getting out of the habit of wishing "tomorrow" would get here, but I can't help but be excited for a time when we will have the time (and energy) to meet new people and make new friends. This last year, I've made a conscious effort to make time for God and for the amazing things He is doing our lives.  It's not everyday that I find myself reflecting on sermons hours after I hear them. Today's experience, however, was an exception and I'm so excited to share it with you.

#GOALS

Everybody has them. Some of us are notorious makers and breakers. Some of us set long term goals, while others are satisfied with meeting smaller, daily goals. Some of our goals are practical, while others are a thing of dreams. We often define personal achievement by our ability to meet or exceed the goals we set for ourselves. One of the biggest problems with this, however, is knowing whether or not the goal that you have set/met is the right goal. Meeting the wrong goal does not always fulfill our needs. Making good time to the wrong destination still makes us lost. Recently, we have purposely embarked on a journey that is uncomfortable on an individual level and stressful at the married level. The goal of this journey has challenged our thoughts and actions, and has motivated us to "do a lot with a little". What I've been able to take from this experience is that sometimes the right goal is not what we want, but rather what we need. Another thing I've come to accept is that reaching IS achieving. Having the courage, the strength, the resilience, and the commitment to stretch yourself beyond what you previously thought was impossible is the moment in which God uses your limited gifts to merge the gap between your limitations and the amazing plans He has made for you. We might not be comfortable and we might feel like we're stretching beyond our capabilities, but after today's message, we're certain that the growth is in the stretch.

I hope you feel challenged to continue stretching toward your goal; to continuously reevaluate your progress and your end game. Share this with someone who might be struggling with their personal conviction and drive!

That time I accomplished my dreams while cutting all the corners.

Wow! It's been too long since I've updated. It's only slightly ridiculous that I'm consistently away for extended periods of times now that I've moved to Charlotte. It has gone from daily or bi-daily posts to once every month or so. I'm sorry for neglecting you! In reality, my life is not as interesting as it used to be.

Last I left you, I was so very thankful that I had been blessed with an amazing partner in crime. This is how that day went:

Lucky girl!

*****

You would think that we were busy bees these last few weeks being unemployed and all, but that couldn't be further from the truth. My days have consisted of a lot of this:

This happens to be my new textbook that arrived for my next semester, but I'm on a break from school, so this isn't very representative of what I've had my nose in. Also, that was not a cocaine joke.

College Gameday: Saturdays consisting of nothing but pajamas, junk food, and couch potato-ing.

The only legit thing we've been up to. Shared prayer time makes for stronger relationships.

Foot fetish. Leo's got one.

Chocolate chip cookie mug cake.

Productive, as you can clearly see.

Seriously though, our spiritual journey is probably one of the only things in our life that is making constant progress. We've started with the Fergusons' One Year Couples Devotional: reading and studying and praying our way to open and honest communication. Very enlightening! It came to me one night before bed. It was hidden away in one of our many bookcases; it's initial intention to guide me toward marriage all that while ago. Finally, it's use has a purpose. I am finally finding solace in a healthy prayer life that compliments our healthy lifestyle.

And now onto the most exciting news of the week! 

I'm so very happy to announce that I've been offered a position with a local, prominent nonprofit organization as a Behavioral Health Counselor working with children. And I really have no one else to thank for this except for God, Himself. I have no previous experience, no master's degree (yet), and very little exposure to the counseling environment. This Monday, I'll start a two week training session that will introduce me to the work they do there, and the most reliable means of communication and interventions available.

And while I have mixed emotions, I'm also grateful that my hours will be confined to Saturday and Sunday (for a total of 32 hours), with the opportunity to make an additional 8 hours during the week. I will have the rest of the week to myself, to keep up with housework, homework, and to define a regular exercise regimen.

I'd also like to thank everyone who has been supportive (with prayers or otherwise) while we've been making these transitions. David has almost completed his insurance license coursework. All that's left is the state exam and he'll be ready to start! We do ask for continued prayers for this long-anticipated career opportunity.

It's been a while, but I did a Frenchie for this upcoming week! Yay for professionalism, class, and neutral tones.

Thank you for all that you do, reader! 

The next post should be as equally as exciting, so stay tuned! 

xoxo

Scoute Route Scavenger Race

On Friday night, David, Amanda, and I headed downtown to collect our race packets from Fitzgerald's Irish Pub. Good thing packet pickup was at a pub because after the day we had, Amanda and I were in serious need of a good drink and filling food. We managed to get our packets, but we're lousy alcoholics and the food was much like cafeteria food. Needless to say, we probably won't be eating there again. All the let-down-ness was quickly forgotten, however, after the excitement for the following day's scavenger hunt.

Last week, I mentioned that I bought tickets. David and I were one team, cleverly renamed "Wild Things". Hooray for finally having a legitimate use for buying matching shirts.

I know you can barely see it, but my hair was a FRO of teased and tangled hair; spray dyed a tealish blue. David's was just dyed. Men have it so easy! I was able to spray David's hair in under five minutes. Thankfully, he also agreed to help me with mine. I would tease it, and he would dye it. Layer. By. Freaking. Layer. I was already dreading the clean up. But when we got to the judges, we got the full 3 points for creativity and costume effort. Amanda and our other friend from work, Jamie, were also a coed team; vying for the first place, "cruise-to-Belize" prize. They both happened to wear grey shirts, and renamed their team on the spot to "50 Shades of Grey". They got one point for spontaneous creativity. Hey, it was something!

We got our map with the addresses of the challenges and tried to figure out the best way of covering all of the 10 challenges efficiently. The only thing we didn't know prior to race day was what each challenge consisted of, or how many points we could make at each, or how long the line would be.

The only modes of transportation we could use were the light rail and the city bus. We got day passes, knowing there was no way we could run around the entire downtown in three hours. Talk about huge. It'd be like having a race that covered the entire city of Tallahassee. There was just no way to run it all. And (!) I had completely forgotten my inhaler. I was one stressed out mess, however smiley I was trying to be for David. First team back to the finish line with 100 points in under 3 hours wins!

The scavenger hunt was less scavenger and more Amazing Race. At every checkpoint, there was a challenge you had to complete that you received  points for based on your performance. The only one we did terrible at was the bowling challenge. After running for 45 minutes already, we had to run up to this bowling alley and we each had a chance to throw a ball down the lane for points. One ball, one throw, per teammate. If the first person threw under 10, the second would have to knock down the remaining pins. If the first person threw a strike, the second person could have their own chance at 10 new pins. Shakey and sweaty, we both rolled gutter balls. So 15 minutes wasted at this checkpoint for a grand total of 0 points. But all we could do was move onto the next one. What I did enjoy, though, was how at every checkpoint that required team work to complete the challenge, we did great on. We got a lot of "best so far" or "excellent"s. The challenges that were one person, then the other, we didn't do so hot at.

But! We made it through 8 of the 10 challenges with a half an hour left, knowing relatively nothing of the city or places we were in. With the finally two challenges being too far from the finish line to make it before the course closed, we headed back to the finish line with 73 points. Not bad for a 0 pointer and skipping two challenges.

At the end of the day, we had managed to run a large portion of the race and finished in the top 20. I used Google Maps to figure out how far we ended up traveling (with the closest matching route we took) and it totaled up to 8 miles!

Can I just say--I am one lucky girl. I would say "in the world", but I feel like this feeling rings true for every woman who finds their "other". From start to finish, and everywhere in between, David was strong for us and worked with me. He helped with the costumes at 6am, helped strategize throughout the day, held my hand for the entire race (we must have looked so silly holding hands while running!), washed all of the dye out of my hair, and then helped me wash and dry Leo before we fell asleep on the couch. I can definitely say that it was one of the best bonding experiences I've ever shared with him, and one of the most exciting days we've had (second only to our spontaneous trip to Harry Potter world).

I don't know if Jamie and Amanda has as good of a time, but I'm glad we all got to participate. After this experience, David and I are definitely going to do it again next year. I hear people train and strategize all year for this race. I suppose a cruise could be worth it. Day 1 after race day, though....it doesn't feel worth it. I'm in pain, I tell ya! 

Much better than the half gallon plastic tank we had him in. No more hard plastic palm tree. Now he has a heating rock, and some Roman memorabilia. Oh, and a filter. So no more changing his water daily. $300 later, Rocky (aka Franklin) is a happy turtle. We aim to please.

Only a few more weeks until Lauren and Tyler get here. I'm anxious to finally get some quality girl time in. Shopping. Movies. Gossip (you know, about our men). It's all very thrilling.

Thanks for keeping up, guys!

Next week probably won't be as exciting, but I'll do my best to keep you updated. 

xoxo

New beginnings.

Whew! So...my last week's freakout has not been lost on me. I'd like to blame it on my very carefully hidden Puerto-Rican-ness, but it was all me. Too real. A perfect representation of how passionate I am about what I believe in. After last week, I'll be lucky to get one or two readers from now on. But in all reality, I'm sure the haters will still read: that's just human nature.

Plenty of good news. A pinch of bad news. But mostly just good news. 

I'm currently scheduled to pick up two jobs. One of which I start tomorrow. I've still been applying for a bunch, trying to find the best fit for our budget. David is busy busy busy applying for the "thousands" of jobs here in banking city. So that's exciting. Prayers greatly appreciated.

Our home! It's wonderful! It's a 2/1 in an awesome, beautiful, friendly community. it's got plenty of space for all of our stuff, an awesome fireplace, a walk-in closet, and a balcony. Leo loves it. Especially all the food and shopping around us. Having limited funds does not help me (or Leo) here.

David's car, on the other hand, is somewhere in Georgia at the moment. No thanks to the u-haul man, we're now a car short. The entire trip up here ended up being a 17 hour ordeal after being stranded in B.F.E. for 7 hours. That's really the only bad news. Oh, and the fact that someone labeled one of the boxes Pots and Pans, only to discover that there were not actually pots and pans in said box. That and we don't have a microwave. So we're eating fruit snacks and cereal. Yay!

Only 6ish days until my 22nd birthday. Man I'm getting old! (David will resent that.) We anticipated company this weekend, but it looks like money is tight for everyone. So family time instead.

Loving Charlotte!

Pictures soon.

xoxo

Cohabitation, Judgment, and Wonderment.

WHY IS IT SO DARK IN THIS HOUSE?

I can never see anything. I'm always fumbling around trying to find a light switch, most of which don't even bother working. And the lights that do work are much the same as candle light. Stupid 1 million year old house.

Seriously though. I'm going to miss it here. I'm going to miss my roommates (however slobby) and the games we play. I'm going to miss watching GCB with Mal on the dankest couches I've ever had the displeasure of sitting on. I'm going to miss teasing Maggs about sleeping in her bed while she's away. I'm going to miss being able to vent about my day and boys and stupidity. Not that I can't do that with David, sans the high pitched voices and exaggerated excitement.

This week has been interesting, to say the least. I think today was the second time since I've been at my home church that I've felt trapped and uncomfortable. Both of which (not surprisingly) have had to do with my relationship with David. 

We've received a little backlash this week from people who don't agree with our living situation. The whole not being married, but living together thing really gets under people's skin. I suppose that's the danger of revealing too much of yourself to your church "family". It's no surprise that one of the biggest complaints that non-Christians have about Christians is that there is so much hypocrisy and so much judgment--most of which is unbeknownst to the offender. It's that boldness that encourages people to say what they want to say without knowing anything about anything. Sometimes good. But usually just bad. Though you really aren't entitled to this, know that David and I have a good, healthy, Godly relationship. And it's been that way since we started dating. Say what you will: your mistakes and inhibitions are not mine to bear. While I understand that *you* (ahem) might be concerned for me (us), and feel your opinion need be heard, there is a time, a place, and a way to communicate. Do be mindful of how words are quickly misconstrued and have significant impact on your Christian (or otherwise) relationship. Not to mention, I actually thrive on people telling me what I can not do. So thank you, doubters, for making it even easier for us decide. I'll close this rant by saying that all of the parents are 100% behind us, and that God continues to pour blessing after blessing upon us; reaffirming and solidifying our decision. He is SO good to us.

There's still so much to do! 

So far, we've started packing up our perspective places, and bought an awesome washer/dryer set for a decent price. For whatever reason, it finally feels real. Making big purchases and big decisions always seems to have that effect on me. Tomorrow it'll be all about securing a house (hopefully it's still available!!) and running errands. Friday, we'll pick up the UHaul and Saturday we'll be out of here. Sunday through Thursday, we'll be unpacking and getting settled. Friday will be my meeting with the family I'll be working for, and on Saturday, Lauren and Tyler will be visiting with us in our new place and helping celebrate my 22nd birthday. Still nothing in the way of exercising and homework. Hopefully, everything will go back to normal after the move.

More updates soon.

Stay classy!

xoxo

Bye Bye, Birdies.

I briefly mentioned here that David and I had registered for a 5k here in Tallahassee. If you have a chance, please read this article about fallen detective, David White. The David White Memorial 5k will be held on Saturday, May 19th at 9:00 at Tallahassee Community College campus. All proceeds and donations will be donated to the detective's family. If you're interested in walking or running, visit this site to register. It's cheap, it'll be a good time, and it's for a great cause. If you're in the area, please come out and support us!

Though I'm committed to being frugal {let's get real, I've never been frugal in my life...except when I have no money.}, I know that my weight loss journey demands appropriate gear. In this post, I talked about some of the stuff I want to help me get my butt in shape for up and coming 5k-ness.

I was able to get these from here. Vanessa from Ruffles With Love (an etsy shop) was absolutely awesome! On Monday, we talked about the possibility of her making the shirts and then getting them here before I left on Friday, and she was all for it! I checked my email Tuesday morning and I already had a tracking number waiting for me. That's some serious production power. Thanks, Vanessa!!

Also, I headed over to Target and picked up my first pair of compression shorts and four new {neon!} C9 sports bras: yellow, blue, pink, and lime. Perfect in time for summer.

Face it, I look fab. {lol.} But seriously. I'm feeling super good about my weightloss. I'm down 13 lbs since February. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't feel like I've made any progress, but when I can fit into pants that I haven't worn in about two years....it's hard to deny.

A slight change of plans is allowing David to leave town with me on Friday. While I was anticipating spending five days away from him, it looks like I'll just have to be forced into his company. {Please.} It doesn't count that the real reason he wants to come with me is not because he'll miss me, but because he doesn't want to miss out on epic waterpark-ness going down on Tuesday. What a guy.

Anywho, I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging from South Florida, but I'll only be away from you fine readers until the 23rd. Look for my Thursday and Friday link-ups before I head out of town. Happy week, darlings!

The incredibly long post that describes my terrible pre-Easter Saturday.

School starts today.
South Florida in 4 days.
DB and David and Miami in 9 days.
Wedding in 11 days.
Busch Gardens in 12 days.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter/Passover weekend. Mine was absolutely ridiculous. Let me recap for you:

Saturday, David and I brought my car in for an oil change. Yay for knowing the manager and getting $20 off of my service (for a grand total of $18.60).

In the midst of making sure I have everything I need for the wedding, we headed to Ross to shop for a dress for the rehearsal dinner. After dragging David around for a little under an hour, I finally found four that I thought would be winners. Less than five minutes after I tried them all on, I realized that I had left my phone in the fitting room and went back to retrieve it...only to find it empty. Panic set in after trying to remain optimistic about the loss, but after making several calls to my phone, the "finder" (that sounds so much better than thief) turned it off. Lost forever.

As a side note: Friday night, David and I found a phone on a bench at the lake where we run. Despite his protests to just leave the phone where it was, I called the numbers on the recent call list to locate the owner, and was able to return it. You'd think I'd have stirred up some good karma, right?

Anyway.

I left my information with customer service, and we headed back to the house so that I could activate an old phone that I had before my Android. Weirdly enough, this old phone was apparently "tied to another account" that was not mine. It would take at least 24 hours to investigate. Needless to say, David and I made a trip to the store to get a new phone that I didn't have the money for.

After that was taken care of, we headed to the mall to take pictures with the Easter bunny as a favor to my mother (a long standing tradition that she cannot survive without). I would post it if I had thought to scan it in before work. My hair looked absurd (and had--very obviously, if I might add--caught in the bunny's costumed hand...sigh) and we have our thumbs up like idiots. But much appreciation to my wonderfully supportive boyfriend. He stood in line for a whole hour while nap-deficient, rowdy kids swarmed around us like flies. We rewarded our patience with Auntie Anne's pretzels. Also a tradition.

And just because:

Right before we left the mall, a man called to say that he had found "a phone" in his girlfriend's purse, and saw that David had texted to "do the right thing" with his phone number. I'd like to believe that he was, in fact, doing the right thing, but my Droid became absolutely useless after I turned off the service and flagged it for theft. Then we got the call that it was "found". I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. The pickup was arranged, and I was ecstatic. It was a few moments later that I realized that my new phone was useless...and a complete waste of money.

Dammit.

What we were looking forward to was our Easter dinner plans with Mallory and James. My mother had reserved us a Honeybaked Ham that we were headed to get after our mall adventure. When I called to confirm with her, however, she told me that was supposed to have picked it up before 3pm. Cue aggravation. After arguing with her, Mallory suggested that we go to the store to see if anything could be done.

We went.

They provided.

Yay, ham.

Before heading back, we stopped at Sam's for remaining Easter dinner ingredients. Bravely, I decided to call my bank to see how much money was left from my pathetic paycheck. Did I even have enough to make the drive to South Florida? When I heard the balance, I almost had a heart attack. My new, non-smart phone phone was incapable of bringing up my bank account, so I used Mallory's. That number was no lie. I had miraculously acquired a substantial amount of money. What?? A little more investigation revealed that after two months of waiting for my tax return claim (there was some information that needed to be disputed), it had finally posted to my account. It was all I could do to hold back the tears in the middle of the checkout line. God is SO good!!

Sunday was much less frustrating. Church, nap, cooking, dinner, walking, David's house, Pirates of the Caribbean, home, Airplane, sleep. I meant to take a picture of our superb cooking, but I was too busy being a lard. I ate everything in sight. Yay, diet. We even decided to forego Day 2 of Week 8 in remembrance of the Resurrection Day (ie. we're fat and lazy and needed nap time). Also, most of my nails broke throughout the day. So now they're short and useless. Perfect timing, nails.

Oh, and David and I have registered for our first 5k on May 19th. If you're local, support the cause here.

***

There is still so much to be done before I leave for South Florida this Friday. I'm requesting prayers for David's sanity this week. I suppose for mine, as well. I can NOT wait for this month to be over. Happy Monday, dolls!

BEAST MODE

I'm super excited for all things healthy. It inspires me daily to keep working as hard as I can. When I'm able to get some breathing room to develop my fitness wardrobe, there are new things to get for my lifestyle change:

I absolutely can NOT wait to get a garmin GPS watch. I'll be able to track my time and distance.  

I'm frequently worried that my iPod touch (and soon, my iPhone!) will get drenched when it rains and I'm running. I'd like to have more protection for those pricey electronics!

These Ruffles With Love tanks are to die for! I'm going to get a few :)

And this one from personTen.

 

C9 by Champion (available at Target) has gotten great reviews. I need these compression shorts!

I also need some new SUPPORTIVE bras. The ones I have just aren't cutting it for me.

Aside from getting new and properly fitted shoes around August, this should at least make running more comfortable, if not more enticing.  

xoxo friends!!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I felt so silly on Thursday and Friday. I feel like this is a typical end-of-the-week debacle. Today, not so much. The weekend is never long enough.

I generally hate when people take pictures like this, but I'm so ecstatic about 1)  my weight loss and 2) my awesome hair. Forgive my crooked smile. I shamelessly took this photo in the bathroom at work. Not on the toilet, mind you. Behind me, there's a sitting chair in the handicapped (shameless, I tell you!!) stall, you know...in case you bring a friend. So check it out! My hair is finally back to dark brown, rather than the light brown that was slowly getting blonder and blonder. And it's getting so long! I'm super excited about that. In about a year, it'll be the perfect length of long.

Fitness Update:
Wednesday, David and I ran Day 1 of Week 7. After what seemed like an eternity, I started getting discouraged because my calves were aching and I was incredibly waterlogged from having had too much water after church. The "you are half way" voice had yet to ring through my headphones, and I was sure that I wouldn't be able to make it any further. Complete relief rushed over me when I begrudgingly looked down at my stop clock....10 seconds left. What! I don't know why the "you are half way" AND the "one minute left" never sounded, but I was happy to know that I had kept my legs and my nausea under control.

We were supposed to run on Friday, but it was raining. We opted to run yesterday, but we laid down for a few minutes after Nuberri and fell asleep for the night with the light on.  So it looks like we're behind on our schedule, but we'll keep chugging through and finish day 2 in a few hours.

And.

HOORAY for the end of March Madness. I came in a spectacular last place. Surprise, surprise. I'm being roped into Fantasy Baseball, but I think that I'm going to back out of that. Sports fanatics that I know are telling me that it's tedious and gets boring too quickly. I've agreed  to "try it out" (ie. do the draft, drop out 3 weeks later) for David's sake.

Sports-related: Meridian Woods Centurions won their softball game on Thursday! It's like the Heavens opened up and God finally had mercy on our wonderfully terrible boys. Go, team!

And!

Let the count down to Lauren's wedding begin. I'm still concerned about my decision not to get my dress hemmed (it's really not too long). I might get one of my "moms" to hem it for me when I get into town. But I love the dress. I'm ready to get this thing moving. So much still to do!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Stay blessed :)

Carolina Swag

Prise de conscience: realisation

I am very much in love with David Hindman. I revel in that every single day.

I never attributed my level of happiness to how close I drew to God.  

I can't remember ever being as happy as I am now. It speaks for itself.

I want to live in NC. In David's dream house. With the three "guest" bedrooms.

We've slimmed down so much since then! (10/2011)

Decisions that need to be made about my projected path in graduate school have been creeping up on me lately. Licensure laws and requirements to become a licensed mental health professional are different for every state. And it costs a hell of a lot of money to get licensed. I'm slightly worried about where to get licensed, knowing very well that I won't be in Florida forever. And hopefully not even too much longer. This anxious feeling I'm having is incredibly premature, but I can't shake it. I'm used to knowing and planning and doing. Even as I type this, I know I should be praying harder. But I'm impatient for answers. I'm good at being spontaneous. This situation demands just the opposite. Hello, reality.

Fitness Update:
Day 3 of Week 5 was a breeze! Warm up for 5 minutes, jog for 20 minutes, cool down for 5 minutes. Day 1 of Week 6, on the other hand, was brutal. David and I thought it would be easy; we were back to interval training. We'd already done it. Run for 5, walk for 3, run for 8, walk for 3, run for 5. By the time I was halfway through with the 8 minute interval, I was done. Winded. Exhausted. Mentally defeated. While this could be for a ton of different reasons (wearing a sports bra that has become too big, forgetting to use my inhaler before the run, speeding walking two miles with Monica the day before, the 90-ish-degree-pollen-filled weather), all I'm really left with are excuses. Though I made it through without stopping, I can't help but feel disappointed in my body.  It was so frustrating! Not to mention, it's been so hard to eat healthy. I've been so hungry. I can't afford all the fruit and filling, fat-free stuff that I'd been eating with all the wedding stuff and the whole "providing for two" situation (not that I'm complaining, darling). I'll just be glad when the wedding is over and I can get back on track with my finances. If David can land this job with Florida Commerce, I can start saving again. Then a move to NC wouldn't seem so unrealistic. If I could just save between $7,000 and $10,000 over the next few years, it'll be easy.

Week 6, Day 2 was much easier. I'm enjoying the long distances much better. Yesterday, we flaked out on our running, which means we'll be running Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday this week. I was disappointed that we didn't stick to the schedule, but sometimes quality time together is more important than our "to do" list.

Other news:
Everyone's talking about it, so I'm sorry for the repetition. (I'm not.) The Hunger Games movie was...decent. I enjoyed the slight character development that was only suggested in the book, rather than actually explored. And for the sake of "theatrics", the movie wasn't that far off (ahem...Harry Potter) that I was upset. Most noteably, the "pin" situation, and Haymitch's character (even though Woody is awesome). All in all, it was alright. Stanley Tucci (Ceasar), Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss), and Josh Hutcherson (Peeta) were great. I would see the other two if they came out as movies. As a side note, I wasn't gunning for Peeta until I read the third book, Mockingjay. Also, read the books before you see the movie. It's a must.

Saturday, I went to a "spa night" with some ladies from my church. While I didn't really get spa'd up, I got to enjoy some great company. I painted a lot of nails, and got to work on my french manicure skills. Oh. And I made my own foot scrub! I was hesitant about adding food coloring to the scrub (it was an awful diarrhea yellow), but after testing it on myself, I knew it would be fine. For about a week, I had been considering opening an Etsy shop after experimenting with a few scrubs. I'm thinking this summer will slow me down so that I can concentrate on some products, and maybe get together with Brittany so she can sell her awesome homemade polish.

Weight loss: Week 4

Some weight loss updates:

Forgive the awkward leaning in the second picture that makes me look pregnant. I was reaching over David's shoulder.

I took the first picture in September 2011. It's a pretty similar representation of the weight I was when February 2012 rolled around. So for all intents and purposes, let's just say that picture one is my starting point (though, I was probably heavier). Also, 185 is my last known weight-in around December/January. That also might be an under-representation. I don't have a scale, so my current weight is unknown. SOON!!! But the picture definitely shows the differences in just 4 weeks (second picture taken at the end of 3 weeks). Notice the thinner face and smaller chest (some people are not as pleased with the latter). I've even got some chin definition going on! I'd rather lose the weight from my midsection than from my chest, but I'll take what I can get. One step at a time!

Confessions:

I crave everything sweet on a daily basis.

I hate that I can't eat sweets.

I can't eat sweets because I have no self control or concept of moderation.

I hate that David is so much better at 5k-ing than I am.

I wish my legs were longer.

Currently, David and I are on week 5 of our 8 week C25K program. It's started to kick my butt (thank you, asthma), but I'm pushing through and trying to regulate my breathing. After we're finished with this, we'll be continuing our running and adding in some other training (Insanity is a good possibility). This woman's blog has been inspiring me to eat better and train harder lately. And thanks to an awesome local workout page (Super Awesome Workout Semester, or SAWS) started by my friend Nathan, I've discovered this 5k-10k training program AND heard about this awesome Zombie 5k in November.

Hooray for lifestyle changes.

Hooray for accountability.

Hooray for good workout music.

The Fantasticism of Focus

While perusing the internet for Domestic Violence updates and news (October is DV Awareness Month), I stumbled upon rebeccaburns.com and diddled around on her site before finding something she calls a "Gratitude Journal". According to her, gratitude "turns what as have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude make sense of our past bring peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow". A little over a year ago, I was able to use my (favorite) gift to voice how important it is to be thankful for every single thing that happens in your life. See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXovbDLqo4U. Intrigued by such a prospect, I've decided to make a list of the things I am grateful for.

Faith and Fellowship
There is no explanation for the life I came from before I [truly] found God. It's true that I believed, but establishing a relationship with Him didn't come until much, much later. I had been swept up by drugs and alcohol, perverse behavior, and for a lack of a better phrase: perceived badassness. Today, I'm much more calm and reserved, but I still have my moments (those of which Justin hated...and attempted to eradicate without success). In addition to being so undeniably faithful, He has given me so many wonderful friends that have encouraged and molded my faith. While it's true most of the friends I have come to know are going along their own path--I rarely get to see them--it doesn't change the fact that the time that we did spend together was wonderful. My keenness for isolation doesn't help much either. But I'm working on it.

Food and Fitness
I think that everyone can attest to my love for food. I'm incredibly picky, and I know what I like. While there is much more in this world that I'd like to taste, there are flavors and combinations that I absolutely can't get enough of. And when it's good, it's good. I'm so glad God has given me the ability to enjoy food the way I do. That being said, I've been recently grateful for my newly acquired gym membership at the YMCA. Forty pounds heavier today than I was a year ago is not somewhere I'd like to be, but stress, stress eating, having friends with terrible eating habits, and lack of exercise has really taken it's toll on my body. So I'm doing what I can to eat smaller portions, RE-eliminate fast food from my diet, and gym it up at least three times a week. When it gets a little cooler, I'll be riding my bike more!

Friends and Family
There isn't much that needs to be said about friends and family that I don't talk about in nearly every blog. I have the BEST friends that have really been there through everything. I always talk about my "best friend" so and so, but it's really because I can't have just one. While it's good to have a few close friends, I have so many people in my life that have seen me at my very best and very worst, but have never let anything come between us. They will offer me a place to sleep, feed me when I'm hungry, and lend me clothes when I have nothing I want to wear in my own closet. Those are people you never want out of your life. For real. I love you guys.

Fun and Fall-Outs
The concept of "falling out" is relatively new to me. I couldn't find a suitable urban dictionary definition, but my understanding of it has been parallel to the idea of nearly passing out, or crying, because you're laughing so hard. I'm grateful for my strange sense of humor, and the ability to laugh at myself (and to join others who are laughing at me). I'm enjoying this new "not-taking-everything-too-seriously" attitude. Life is too short.

Film and Fantasy
It pains me to admit it, but recently I agreed to watch Star Wars Episode IV, V, and VI. It was....interesting. To my surprise, it wasn't as terrible as my preconceived notion made it out to be. Forget it being a riveting action/adventure movie; it was pretty comedic. Movies from the 70's are unintentionally hilarious! It reminds of Last House on the Left (the original). I'd always thought that I've seen a pretty good variety of films- both blockbuster and foreign- but it wasn't until moving in with Maggs that I've broadened that movie watching horizon. My reading list, however, is somewhat short. While it's true that I'm still in the process of reading a few different books at the moment, I've been reading a lot less than usual. I have about 10 books in my queue, but I feel like I'm not getting the most out of the books that are out there. I've just reread The Giver and Gathering Blue, but I'm starting to think that having a Kindle has decreased the amount I read in a given week. Dance with Dragons and The Five People You Meet in Heaven are among the current reads. But I need more! My desire for new words and new plots is fervent; I feel slightly desolate without it.

Flirting with Free Will
This one is a little more general than the other categories, but I knew I needed something to be generally thankful about. Free will is something that I've recently come to control and admonish. Previously, I had used the concept of free will to justify my actions and behaviors that weren't quite acceptable, or even normal. If I could do it, I would do it. These days, however, I rarely utilize that strategy, and base my decisions more often on the ends rather than the means. Today, I found myself making a pro and con list about a decision that needed to be made....and I made it! I never do that! I've been living a life based on illegitimate decision-making skills, and choosing paths based on how they would benefit me in my current situation. But I'm thankful for the ability to discern between what I can do and what I should do.

As an update for those who crave the nitty gritty in my life, you'll be tickled to know that I'm incredibly happy. There's no drama to share; no bullshit to explain. I'm just....perfect. And not the overly, obnoxious "perfect" where I'm head over feet in my idea of "love", or falsely inspired by something new. I've discovered that by letting go of my inhibitions, as well as my expectations, I can experience a content state of mind I don't believe I've felt in a while. I'm planning broadly for my future, and not around anyone else's. And for those who haven't heard, I'm starting on my master's degree this December. Every decision I've made up to this point has been for this very moment, and I'm utterly humbled to say that I'm thankful for my God who has led me to it. Be blessed, friends.

Don't let your past steal your present.

Well it's happened: The presumed. The inevitable. The expected. The euphoria of newness has swept me up with such intensity that I'm feeling deliciously dizzy. There's something to be said about pheromones. My knowledge of the human body tells me that we can't detect them. My experience of it, however, is much different. He smells much different than I remembered the last time I laid next to him. It's not the room. It's not his cologne. But I smell it. I smell you. David Kossin tells me that you can smell it when you finally open yourself up to smell it. Apparently I used to have the same smell when he was in love with me. Well, not quite the same smell, but my own smell. Now that I've started to smell it, I'm letting it intoxicate me. 

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass;

it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

I don't know how we ended up here. Don't get me wrong, I remember every single second, every single breath, and every single feeling, but disbelief has me questioning my perception of imagination and reality.

I'm excited, nervous, ecstatic, frustrated, and curious all at once. I've found myself being cautious and patient; open and earnest; ardent and creative. I'm feeling pain that I've never felt before, and it's alluringly preverse. Ask me what you want to ask me. Just be sure you want the answer.

I finally enrolled for a membership at the YMCA. I know that this relief will be good for recent stress, as well as current frustrations. I also have two incredibly relaxing getaways to look forward to: neither of which I have expectations for, but it'll be nice to have that time to grow in something that is still slightly juvenile-not that that is a bad thing. 

I still find myself in the rain;

But it feels good to find myself.

The wind continues to whip through my hair;

But it reminds me of your hands.

Rain drops gently kiss my face;

And I like the way you taste.

Suffice to say, I'm enjoying the rain.