That time you remembered that God is why it's possible.

I want to begin by saying that God. Is. Awesome. 

Everything that's happened in the past month or so has not just been luck, but true direction and opportunity from the Great Almighty.

Check out God's light shining down on us...literally.

I'm behind in blogging. Admittedly, I haven't been keeping up with the 100 or so blogs I frequent. I haven't read. I haven't written. In fact, I can barely find time for sleeping in between work and homework and family and church. BE GRATEFUL! I'm staying up way passed my bed time in order to get this post out.

David (finally!) has a job. With me. Which is perfect (thank you, God) since we're now a one car household. I was afraid we'd be spending so much on gas and that our schedules wouldn't work. But now we commute together, I still don't have to see him all day because I'm in the office and he's in the field, and even though he usually works longer hours than I do, we only live 10 minutes away; making it convenient to pick him up after I've already gone home. David's first week was paid daily in cash. That, with the birthday earnings from the previous week, was just enough to get us gas, food, pay bills, and whatever other necessities we needed to make it through the week.

He's happier. It's pretty obvious.

I've already worked overtime my first week...which I believe is going to be a reoccurring thing. My boss has considered moving me to salary to avoid having to pay me $200 extra dollars a week because I end up working 10 hours a day, and working a few extra on Saturday. We're busy, busy, busy!

Speaking of church, we've started going to Providence Road Church of Christ. I love it! The service is perfect. Lots of singing, lots of worship, lots of friendly people, lots of community outreach, and plenty of women holding prominent positions in the church. All of it was strange to see at a COC, but I enjoyed the change of pace. God really directed us to the perfect fit.

As an update, all of our stressful nonsense seems to have worked out. We ended up having to sign the title over to the wrecker company that towed David's crapped-out Xterra during the move. The few places in Georgia (where the car was broken down) that gave money for parts/scrap metal were only offering us about $300. When we discussed the "storage fee" with the wrecker company, we would pretty much break even, so we agreed to swap the title for the fees and just break clean and start over. It saved us from having to do any traveling and left the arrangements up to them. It was a bit of a loss because we're down to one car, but I hated that ugly (in its defense, it was David's fault that the car had an ugly mug), sun-screen-smelling car anyway.  All that means is that we can get a newer, safer car that can fit more than two people...if you catch my drift. Not that that'll happen anytime soon, but I'm glad I don't have to trade my Mustang for another car. It all works out in the end.

And! I'm back on the homework wagon. This is my last week of this session, followed by a two week break, and then new classes. I really screwed up my GPA this quarter by missing two weeks of assignments, but I did what I could. All I can say is that I'll do better next week. It won't be as exciting as having a 4.0, but damn it, it's been a rough month. And here we are. Alive. Maintaining. And happy.

Unfortunately, all this 50-hours-a-week-ing and homework and other exhausting stuff has made it nearly impossible for us to run. My body is aching to eat good food; begging me to get my behind on the pavement, but it's just been too difficult. I'm getting up at 5am, dragging home anywhere between 5 and 9, and after dinner and homework, I'm DONE! Once everything slows down, and our schedule falls into a pretty solid routine, we need to start back. We're eating crap because it's convenient (though we've managed to successfully stay away from fast food...with the exception of our two nights at CookOut), and too poor to eat like we used to. Being an adult is HARD.

Hopefully, I'll get caught up with everyone else in the next week or so. Thanks for sticking with me, folks! It's been an insane few weeks. Much love to those who have stuck by us from the beginning. "If you were absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success." Thanks, Will Smith, for some words of encouragement.

xoxo, Lovies.

Carolina Swag

Prise de conscience: realisation

I am very much in love with David Hindman. I revel in that every single day.

I never attributed my level of happiness to how close I drew to God.  

I can't remember ever being as happy as I am now. It speaks for itself.

I want to live in NC. In David's dream house. With the three "guest" bedrooms.

We've slimmed down so much since then! (10/2011)

Decisions that need to be made about my projected path in graduate school have been creeping up on me lately. Licensure laws and requirements to become a licensed mental health professional are different for every state. And it costs a hell of a lot of money to get licensed. I'm slightly worried about where to get licensed, knowing very well that I won't be in Florida forever. And hopefully not even too much longer. This anxious feeling I'm having is incredibly premature, but I can't shake it. I'm used to knowing and planning and doing. Even as I type this, I know I should be praying harder. But I'm impatient for answers. I'm good at being spontaneous. This situation demands just the opposite. Hello, reality.

Fitness Update:
Day 3 of Week 5 was a breeze! Warm up for 5 minutes, jog for 20 minutes, cool down for 5 minutes. Day 1 of Week 6, on the other hand, was brutal. David and I thought it would be easy; we were back to interval training. We'd already done it. Run for 5, walk for 3, run for 8, walk for 3, run for 5. By the time I was halfway through with the 8 minute interval, I was done. Winded. Exhausted. Mentally defeated. While this could be for a ton of different reasons (wearing a sports bra that has become too big, forgetting to use my inhaler before the run, speeding walking two miles with Monica the day before, the 90-ish-degree-pollen-filled weather), all I'm really left with are excuses. Though I made it through without stopping, I can't help but feel disappointed in my body.  It was so frustrating! Not to mention, it's been so hard to eat healthy. I've been so hungry. I can't afford all the fruit and filling, fat-free stuff that I'd been eating with all the wedding stuff and the whole "providing for two" situation (not that I'm complaining, darling). I'll just be glad when the wedding is over and I can get back on track with my finances. If David can land this job with Florida Commerce, I can start saving again. Then a move to NC wouldn't seem so unrealistic. If I could just save between $7,000 and $10,000 over the next few years, it'll be easy.

Week 6, Day 2 was much easier. I'm enjoying the long distances much better. Yesterday, we flaked out on our running, which means we'll be running Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday this week. I was disappointed that we didn't stick to the schedule, but sometimes quality time together is more important than our "to do" list.

Other news:
Everyone's talking about it, so I'm sorry for the repetition. (I'm not.) The Hunger Games movie was...decent. I enjoyed the slight character development that was only suggested in the book, rather than actually explored. And for the sake of "theatrics", the movie wasn't that far off (ahem...Harry Potter) that I was upset. Most noteably, the "pin" situation, and Haymitch's character (even though Woody is awesome). All in all, it was alright. Stanley Tucci (Ceasar), Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss), and Josh Hutcherson (Peeta) were great. I would see the other two if they came out as movies. As a side note, I wasn't gunning for Peeta until I read the third book, Mockingjay. Also, read the books before you see the movie. It's a must.

Saturday, I went to a "spa night" with some ladies from my church. While I didn't really get spa'd up, I got to enjoy some great company. I painted a lot of nails, and got to work on my french manicure skills. Oh. And I made my own foot scrub! I was hesitant about adding food coloring to the scrub (it was an awful diarrhea yellow), but after testing it on myself, I knew it would be fine. For about a week, I had been considering opening an Etsy shop after experimenting with a few scrubs. I'm thinking this summer will slow me down so that I can concentrate on some products, and maybe get together with Brittany so she can sell her awesome homemade polish.

Survey says: "This book is a bunch of crap."

It's funny how comfortable you are about certain things when you are surrounded by friends, but when it comes to your significant other, you're bemused by the idea of having certain conversations about certain semi-hilarious bodily functions. It reminds me of a friend I had in high school who refused to believe that women had need for, and therefore, did not partake in, gross bodily functions. Those were the days. I suppose I've just been blessed with extremely extroverted partners. There's no surprises here!

In the midst of poop-talk, I've been shopping and gift wrapping my behind off. Only four more gifts to buy before my Christmas shopping is officially complete (not including some materials I need to buy in order to finish some projects I'm working on). What's nice is that our Christmas tree is looking full; full of decorations; flooded by presents. I can't wait until Christmas Eve/Day. Forget the presents (although exciting). I'm looking forward to one of my first [quiet] Christmases away from home. I'll be spending it with some of my favorite people, eating delicious food, and thanking the Lord for sending His only Son to die for my sins. I'm so blessed!

The first week of school was a success! I've finished my first assignment and discussion post with A's...not that it wasn't expected.*wiggly eyebrows* I'm feeling slightly motivated; a foreign concept. I think this was encouraged after witnessing the past two weeks of David's course deadlines. I can't afford to get behind, and I see how stressful it can become. If my degree could be like 5% stressful and 95% learning, I'd really appreciate it. Doubtful, but I'm praying for it anyway.

Speaking of praying (this really was a failed attempt at a decent segue), someone I work with said that she couldn't imagine that anyone I dated could be more conservative than I am (as if to say that I made David sound like a conservative?). When I asked for a little more clarification, she commented on the fact that she often sees me reading bible verses; therefore conservative (as if she knows anything about David and his antics?). I really despise blatant ignorance. Being a Christian makes me faithful, not a right-wing. Also, I've never spoken to you about my boyfriend, stalker. Sigh.

Anyway.

In an attempt to justify never visiting (or trying not to, anyhow), I've decided to take a semi spur-of-the-moment trip (I didn't plan it, which means I didn't warn anyone about it, which means it will probably be a disaster) down to South Florida this upcoming weekend. I'm apologizing in advance for not planning to spend any time with anyone. I plan on getting the annual Santa picture taken with my ever-enthusiastic brother, galavanting down Gabriel Lane with my pseudo boyfriend (the other David--or as he likes to think: the ONLY David), and avoiding my mother's delicious sugar cookies. Maybe I'll watch Teen Mom, and get caught up on the news. Additionally, I ask you all to please pray for my parents and their current situation; I keep asking God to intervene and soften their hearts. The added prayers will certainly make a difference.

The only other thing I've been consumed by is crocheting David's blanket. I'm at a point where I think I need a bigger bag to carry it all in. I was hoping to have it all done by the time we went to Charlotte, but that probably won't happen. Plus, what would I have to do on the drive up there if I did finish it? My subconscious has got my back. On the other hand, it'd be nice to finish it and be toasty warm rather than having my toes freeze off. This weekend in SoFla will also yield me some extra time to work on it.

This week, I realized that I only have a little over a month until I begin my Daniel fast. I can't believe it's already been a year! I'll have been writing this blog for one year on January 16th. Thank you to all of my followers, new and old, who have journeyed with me and my strange life without inhibition. It's been a super ridiculous year!

I'm still trying to come up with a positive new year resolution that is reasonably (and realistically) attainable.

So far:
Maybe having a better, stronger relationship with God.
Maybe increasing the amount of money and time I give to charity.
Maybe decreasing the amount of money I spend on material things.
Maybe determining how much of my bible I should finish, and actually doing it.
Maybe meditating daily.
Maybe getting the McCartney Motel organized (for once).
Maybe finding a better job (but probably not).
Maybe building more DIYs from Pinterest.
Maybe dieting better.
Maybe losing weight.

We'll see. Stay blessed.

The Fantasticism of Focus

While perusing the internet for Domestic Violence updates and news (October is DV Awareness Month), I stumbled upon rebeccaburns.com and diddled around on her site before finding something she calls a "Gratitude Journal". According to her, gratitude "turns what as have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude make sense of our past bring peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow". A little over a year ago, I was able to use my (favorite) gift to voice how important it is to be thankful for every single thing that happens in your life. See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXovbDLqo4U. Intrigued by such a prospect, I've decided to make a list of the things I am grateful for.

Faith and Fellowship
There is no explanation for the life I came from before I [truly] found God. It's true that I believed, but establishing a relationship with Him didn't come until much, much later. I had been swept up by drugs and alcohol, perverse behavior, and for a lack of a better phrase: perceived badassness. Today, I'm much more calm and reserved, but I still have my moments (those of which Justin hated...and attempted to eradicate without success). In addition to being so undeniably faithful, He has given me so many wonderful friends that have encouraged and molded my faith. While it's true most of the friends I have come to know are going along their own path--I rarely get to see them--it doesn't change the fact that the time that we did spend together was wonderful. My keenness for isolation doesn't help much either. But I'm working on it.

Food and Fitness
I think that everyone can attest to my love for food. I'm incredibly picky, and I know what I like. While there is much more in this world that I'd like to taste, there are flavors and combinations that I absolutely can't get enough of. And when it's good, it's good. I'm so glad God has given me the ability to enjoy food the way I do. That being said, I've been recently grateful for my newly acquired gym membership at the YMCA. Forty pounds heavier today than I was a year ago is not somewhere I'd like to be, but stress, stress eating, having friends with terrible eating habits, and lack of exercise has really taken it's toll on my body. So I'm doing what I can to eat smaller portions, RE-eliminate fast food from my diet, and gym it up at least three times a week. When it gets a little cooler, I'll be riding my bike more!

Friends and Family
There isn't much that needs to be said about friends and family that I don't talk about in nearly every blog. I have the BEST friends that have really been there through everything. I always talk about my "best friend" so and so, but it's really because I can't have just one. While it's good to have a few close friends, I have so many people in my life that have seen me at my very best and very worst, but have never let anything come between us. They will offer me a place to sleep, feed me when I'm hungry, and lend me clothes when I have nothing I want to wear in my own closet. Those are people you never want out of your life. For real. I love you guys.

Fun and Fall-Outs
The concept of "falling out" is relatively new to me. I couldn't find a suitable urban dictionary definition, but my understanding of it has been parallel to the idea of nearly passing out, or crying, because you're laughing so hard. I'm grateful for my strange sense of humor, and the ability to laugh at myself (and to join others who are laughing at me). I'm enjoying this new "not-taking-everything-too-seriously" attitude. Life is too short.

Film and Fantasy
It pains me to admit it, but recently I agreed to watch Star Wars Episode IV, V, and VI. It was....interesting. To my surprise, it wasn't as terrible as my preconceived notion made it out to be. Forget it being a riveting action/adventure movie; it was pretty comedic. Movies from the 70's are unintentionally hilarious! It reminds of Last House on the Left (the original). I'd always thought that I've seen a pretty good variety of films- both blockbuster and foreign- but it wasn't until moving in with Maggs that I've broadened that movie watching horizon. My reading list, however, is somewhat short. While it's true that I'm still in the process of reading a few different books at the moment, I've been reading a lot less than usual. I have about 10 books in my queue, but I feel like I'm not getting the most out of the books that are out there. I've just reread The Giver and Gathering Blue, but I'm starting to think that having a Kindle has decreased the amount I read in a given week. Dance with Dragons and The Five People You Meet in Heaven are among the current reads. But I need more! My desire for new words and new plots is fervent; I feel slightly desolate without it.

Flirting with Free Will
This one is a little more general than the other categories, but I knew I needed something to be generally thankful about. Free will is something that I've recently come to control and admonish. Previously, I had used the concept of free will to justify my actions and behaviors that weren't quite acceptable, or even normal. If I could do it, I would do it. These days, however, I rarely utilize that strategy, and base my decisions more often on the ends rather than the means. Today, I found myself making a pro and con list about a decision that needed to be made....and I made it! I never do that! I've been living a life based on illegitimate decision-making skills, and choosing paths based on how they would benefit me in my current situation. But I'm thankful for the ability to discern between what I can do and what I should do.

As an update for those who crave the nitty gritty in my life, you'll be tickled to know that I'm incredibly happy. There's no drama to share; no bullshit to explain. I'm just....perfect. And not the overly, obnoxious "perfect" where I'm head over feet in my idea of "love", or falsely inspired by something new. I've discovered that by letting go of my inhibitions, as well as my expectations, I can experience a content state of mind I don't believe I've felt in a while. I'm planning broadly for my future, and not around anyone else's. And for those who haven't heard, I'm starting on my master's degree this December. Every decision I've made up to this point has been for this very moment, and I'm utterly humbled to say that I'm thankful for my God who has led me to it. Be blessed, friends.

He'll never forsake you. Don't be afraid.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalms 1:24

To quickly and painlessly confirm the rumors: yes, Justin and I are separated. No, I'm not okay about it. And if you really want to know, I don't have a problem telling you why I feel the way I feel about where we were, where we are, and where we're going. But I'm not going to blog about it. There's plenty of that going on over here: justinbrown11.wordpress.com

Now that that's out of the way...

I need that three day weekend to hurry up and get here. I don't think I've been this tired in so long. There is no doubt that I am emotionally and physically drained. I want to do something "fun" and "exciting" this weekend, but I fear I'll be stuck in bed, sleeping away my stay-cation. I take a nap almost everyday and yet I still find myself shut-eye at my desk in the morning as if I were back in high school. Fortunately, this week has been a blur of movie previews and presentations of releases that have come and gone: Death Race, Garden State, The Invention of Lying, Four Christmas', Rent, All Dogs Go To Heaven, and a few others I can't seem to remember.

Apparently school starts today. Or is it tomorrow? ... School starts this week for the college kids. It's pretty cool to say that now that I'm graduated. Even cooler not to have to go back. I've heard a few of my friends give mixed opinions about being graduated and day dreaming about their return to school. I hated school. In fact, I've always hated school, so I don't think that is any surprise to my readers. The monotony, the homework, the boring lectures, the ESSAYS, the reading assignments that I could have skimmed instead of read, the studying for tests I would never pass, taking a test for information we definitely didn't have the time to learn in class, fighting for a parking spot, the long walk to the other side of campus because I couldn't find a parking spot, not having internet while I'm trying to get on facebook instead of listen to the lecture.....I can't imagine going back. There are some days that I consider reapplying for graduate school, but then I remember that it's a waste of time.

Valentine's Day 2008

On the bright side, (my) David--not to be confused with David "Don't interrupt my story" Hindman-- will be here in 25 days! I'm so very excited to have been able to see both of my boys this summer. Now if only Lauren would get her behind up here, I'd feel a lot better.

I've also been seriously contemplating another life course. I love that I have a job; a job that I like, in a comfortably close field that I majored in. Despite liking my job, I don't love it. And I feel like my talents and passion is being wasted sitting at an office desk, occasionally answering my phone, and becoming a filing fiend and a copy-machine expert. I am highly considering signing up to do mission work for a Church of Christ ministry. Somewhere outside the US. Somewhere I can be engulfed in a culture not my own. Somewhere I can witness a child's walk with Christ. Somewhere I can spread the Word. Peace Corps was an option until I found out that they're not exactly a Christian-friendly organization. In my opinion, getting fired for talking about Jesus is not somewhere I'd like to be. And though I'm going to continue to pray on this, I'm also going to wait until Lauren gets married. I can't miss my best friend's wedding (movie reference not intended)! I've asked for prayers of discernment, but please pray that I will not make a hasty or unwise decision, but that I will allow my will to be His will.

Also! Last night was my very last night reading Matthew. After a few days of recap and reflection, I'll be on my way to Mark. So exciting! I hope all of you are taking time out of your schedules to get lost in His Word. Bisous!