Overwhelmed by Hunger.

Should curiosity beseech you, treat yourself to The Hunger Games. It would be selfish of me not to recommend this amazing book that I picked up this week and finished in less than 24 hours. While it had moments reminiscent of the Goblet of Fire, it was a quick, riveting read. The moment that I finished the book, I headed straight to Amazon to buy the next two. 

Other than that, I will be the first to admit my absolute and utter Daniel fast FAILURE. After a successful, water-filled Monday and a painful Tuesday, my migraine and my nausea had completely taken me over. I left work a little earlier than usual; barely able to keep my eyes open. By the time I walked through the door, I was in full zombie mode. I groaned (cried) all the way to my bedroom, shut the door, and fell face-first onto my cloud. David called and offered to make dinner, which, at that point, sounded much better than anything I was facing at that very moment. I tried to sleep. One hour. Two hours. Nothing. I woke up feeling even more nauseated and dizzy than I had before I laid down. I knew caffeine had been the culprit, and had ultimately gotten me where I was. So I made a quick cup of coffee and chugged it as fast as I could without burning the roof of my mouth. Still nothing. I took an Excedrin, two Vicodin, and drank some water. Again, nothing. I straggled to the couch, eating up his delicious spaghetti and meatball dinner: grain, meat, sauce, bread, something...anything. My nearly forgotten about hunger had certainly been quenched, but I was still dizzy; still a throbbing mess. 

When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I felt much better. Decidedly, I knew I couldn't continue my fast the way I had been going on. Whether it's postponed or simply moderated, I'm not sure, but I've tried to continue eating fruits and vegetables, and drinking my water...and my cup of coffee, of course. 

Today, David and I made it to the much anticipated Jason's Deli for lunch. Simply wonderful. David and Jason, if you were wondering. Have I mentioned that I love this boy? I've noticed that I've had trouble sleeping over the past few days, as well. I'd like to attribute it to rarely sleeping alone. The past few days have contained a much too much empty bed. Thankfully, I've convinced David that his similar recent sleep trouble is related, and I currently find myself in good company. He's finally started up his blog again! Check it out here. It's got a fresh new look (you're welcome). I'm hoping that this means that he'll have the opportunity to guest blog for me sometime in the near future (thank you, Brittany, for this awesome idea!) Speaking of Brittany, I'm hoping she and I will be trading eachother's territory for a guest post, as well. 

Other things...Lynn and Mallory and I will be sharing Mallory's bathroom for the next few days while David works on the other bathroom. It's in need of some serious TLC and remodeling. Thank God for men who do manly work. Otherwise, that bathroom would stay this way forever. Oh! And I'm hoping to segue into the technologically-savvy world of Apple products (as if my iPod touch counted for nothing) by purchasing my very first iPhone. That's if I can find a feasible plan, or get together with someone else and their family plan. Being a Boost Mobile customer has spoiled me. I'm quite comfortable with my $53 a month for unlimited everything, thank you very much. It will be an eye-opening transition. Yay responsibility!

Good night, for now. Wish me well as I continue this strangely satisfying pseudo-fast. Check out David's blog, and read some of his ridiculously blessed life. If luck be the lady, he is my lady. Or...um? Ok. Good night.

Day 2: Caffeine Withdrawals

There is nothing better than knowing you are wrapped in love; surrounded by God's blessings; enjoying each day with absolutely no inhibitions or regrets. While love is a constant, tumultuous presence in my life, I am so blessed to call him my David. Shh, don't tell him I said that. He likes to think he's his own David. ha.

I'm on Day 2 of my Daniel Fast. For those of you who had yet to join me for last January's fast, I'll catch you up to speed:

The king ordered the chief of his court to bring some of the talented, knowledgeable, male Israelites from the royal family to his service to teach the language and literature of the Babylonians. They would serve the king after three years of training. During this training, they were allotted a decent amount of pleasantries.

As one of the chosen, Daniel told his appointed guard that he would not defile himself with the king's food and wine. "Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see." (Daniel 1:12-13)

When the fast was over, they looked healthier and better nourished than any who ate the king's food.

Later in the book (Daniel 10), Daniel does another fast. It last for three weeks (21 days), in which he ate no meat, wine, bread, or choice foods. As a result, he receives a miraculous vision from God.

On this quest to grow closer to God, I have decided to brave a 21 day fast, with some modifications from both last year's fast and my intended fast for this year. First of all, for any who hadn't heard: I pulled a muscle along my spine last week. Very painful, very aggravating. I've stopped taking the painkillers and anti-inflammatory in accordance with the fast. It's been a rough day.

Last year, dairy was kept in my diet to supplement necessary medication. I also used the first three days to cleanse my body with only liquids, including water and fruit juices. This year, no dairy. And no fruit juices. Also, when I started fasting last year, I was caffeine-free. This year, not so much.

I recommend smaller fasts for those who have never fasted, or even the 10 day fast for those who are audacious.

So while my intentions were to food-fast for three days and consume nothing but water, I have gotten halfway through the second day with a 24 hour migraine as my unwelcomed passenger. Cue conclusion of food-fast. It was not my intention to hurt myself, rather I desired to discipline my body, and spend more time in prayer and in the Word. Next year, I'll be sure to prepare in advance for the caffeine withdrawals. For now, I'll get a head start on my fruits/vegetable/rice diet and settle down with Crazy Love.

And when we fall, and we will fall; let's fall forever entwined.

I found myself wishing for somewhere different than where I was; somewhere full of God; somewhere reminiscent of who I used to be. I found myself here.

 

Turns out, it was exactly where I needed to be.

I brought some paper to capture the moment; it's never the same when you try to write about a memory rather than painting the experience while you're in it. 

"My face is chapped from the crisp January air, but all I feel is freedom. There is something so satisfying about spontaneity--something that fills your entire soul with appreciation for life. I was almost afraid that I would miss the turn for my destination and head straight toward my not-so distant past. Painfully nostalgic memories kept my eyes glued for the sign. And now the alabaster sand is lingering so beautifully between my toes. It was nearly a year ago that I visited nearby. It was the last day of my Daniel Fast. I wanted this same feeling of liberation and weightlessness. But this time it's different; I'm different.

I'm calmer and less frustrated. I have fewer questions, and even fewer doubts. I'm in a better place; surrounded by pleasant uncertainty. On the drive, the music on the radio was muffled by chilly air rushing through my open windows. Oh to be a bird.

I brought my music only to discover that it was silence that I really yearned for. The sound of waves hitting the beach happens to be the sweetest soundtrack. The sun is flushing my face like a spotlight set on me. I can feel God here. My hands are icy, but the skin underneath my sweater is perfectly thermal. As I run my fingers across my neck, it feels phantom, yet strangely familiar.

Naturally, I had hoped for company, but now that I'm here, the allure of this vast ocean is all the company I can fathom. The evil thing about solitude, however, is getting lost in your own head. I find myself reflecting on my past; the many that I've hurt and the few that have caused me similar grief. Or my future: what--or more importantly, who--does it hold? Will I fulfill my dreams? Conquer my fears? Be content with the life He's blessed me with? Curiosity has always been my muse. It's the way that Satan controls me. I'm immersed in selfish thoughts and my love for the mortal existence, and I'm often focused on what I want rather than what He wants.

I want to be happy. I want to be faithful. I want to irreplaceable, desired, and emotionally overflowing. I want to feel God; know God. I want to love and be loved. I want satisfaction in a career that I know I've worked hard to get to; knowing it's exactly where I always wanted to be. I want marriage. I want sex. I want children. All, preferably, in that order.

But despite all that I want, I am able to revel in all that I am. I am blessed, talented, and forever young. I'm full of life and vitality; on a fast track to no where in particular. I love as hard as I can every single day, and in return, get loved to an unimaginable degree. I have everything I need. I have the comfort of absolutely wonderful, supportive friendships. I am alive. I am here. I am me.

I'm basking in the sunlight; feeling His praise embracing me; breathing in His glory and magnificence. I could stay on this beach forever; it's haunting beauty a daunting reminder of the longevity this life lacks. But soon I'll be home; re-immersed in familiarity and predictability. For now, though, I'll get lost in this scene; every moment fleeting with the daylight."

On my drive back, I blasted Mumford and Sons, and let Jason Reeves lull me toward a secret bayou I often keep hidden. For a second, I opened both my hands beside me and wished I was a bird. Fly, fly away from here. I laughed as the wind kissed my cheeks and tousled my hair.

I decided one last stop was in order. I finished my 11 day vacation the same way that I started it: with my feet nice and soft, and my toes beautifully painted. Now I'm waiting for David to get here. Tonight we're headed to Mom and Dad's for our first official date, not that he knows that.

I am a lucky girl. Lucky for this day, lucky for this boy, and lucky for this life.

Survey says: "This book is a bunch of crap."

It's funny how comfortable you are about certain things when you are surrounded by friends, but when it comes to your significant other, you're bemused by the idea of having certain conversations about certain semi-hilarious bodily functions. It reminds me of a friend I had in high school who refused to believe that women had need for, and therefore, did not partake in, gross bodily functions. Those were the days. I suppose I've just been blessed with extremely extroverted partners. There's no surprises here!

In the midst of poop-talk, I've been shopping and gift wrapping my behind off. Only four more gifts to buy before my Christmas shopping is officially complete (not including some materials I need to buy in order to finish some projects I'm working on). What's nice is that our Christmas tree is looking full; full of decorations; flooded by presents. I can't wait until Christmas Eve/Day. Forget the presents (although exciting). I'm looking forward to one of my first [quiet] Christmases away from home. I'll be spending it with some of my favorite people, eating delicious food, and thanking the Lord for sending His only Son to die for my sins. I'm so blessed!

The first week of school was a success! I've finished my first assignment and discussion post with A's...not that it wasn't expected.*wiggly eyebrows* I'm feeling slightly motivated; a foreign concept. I think this was encouraged after witnessing the past two weeks of David's course deadlines. I can't afford to get behind, and I see how stressful it can become. If my degree could be like 5% stressful and 95% learning, I'd really appreciate it. Doubtful, but I'm praying for it anyway.

Speaking of praying (this really was a failed attempt at a decent segue), someone I work with said that she couldn't imagine that anyone I dated could be more conservative than I am (as if to say that I made David sound like a conservative?). When I asked for a little more clarification, she commented on the fact that she often sees me reading bible verses; therefore conservative (as if she knows anything about David and his antics?). I really despise blatant ignorance. Being a Christian makes me faithful, not a right-wing. Also, I've never spoken to you about my boyfriend, stalker. Sigh.

Anyway.

In an attempt to justify never visiting (or trying not to, anyhow), I've decided to take a semi spur-of-the-moment trip (I didn't plan it, which means I didn't warn anyone about it, which means it will probably be a disaster) down to South Florida this upcoming weekend. I'm apologizing in advance for not planning to spend any time with anyone. I plan on getting the annual Santa picture taken with my ever-enthusiastic brother, galavanting down Gabriel Lane with my pseudo boyfriend (the other David--or as he likes to think: the ONLY David), and avoiding my mother's delicious sugar cookies. Maybe I'll watch Teen Mom, and get caught up on the news. Additionally, I ask you all to please pray for my parents and their current situation; I keep asking God to intervene and soften their hearts. The added prayers will certainly make a difference.

The only other thing I've been consumed by is crocheting David's blanket. I'm at a point where I think I need a bigger bag to carry it all in. I was hoping to have it all done by the time we went to Charlotte, but that probably won't happen. Plus, what would I have to do on the drive up there if I did finish it? My subconscious has got my back. On the other hand, it'd be nice to finish it and be toasty warm rather than having my toes freeze off. This weekend in SoFla will also yield me some extra time to work on it.

This week, I realized that I only have a little over a month until I begin my Daniel fast. I can't believe it's already been a year! I'll have been writing this blog for one year on January 16th. Thank you to all of my followers, new and old, who have journeyed with me and my strange life without inhibition. It's been a super ridiculous year!

I'm still trying to come up with a positive new year resolution that is reasonably (and realistically) attainable.

So far:
Maybe having a better, stronger relationship with God.
Maybe increasing the amount of money and time I give to charity.
Maybe decreasing the amount of money I spend on material things.
Maybe determining how much of my bible I should finish, and actually doing it.
Maybe meditating daily.
Maybe getting the McCartney Motel organized (for once).
Maybe finding a better job (but probably not).
Maybe building more DIYs from Pinterest.
Maybe dieting better.
Maybe losing weight.

We'll see. Stay blessed.