Survey says: "This book is a bunch of crap."

It's funny how comfortable you are about certain things when you are surrounded by friends, but when it comes to your significant other, you're bemused by the idea of having certain conversations about certain semi-hilarious bodily functions. It reminds me of a friend I had in high school who refused to believe that women had need for, and therefore, did not partake in, gross bodily functions. Those were the days. I suppose I've just been blessed with extremely extroverted partners. There's no surprises here!

In the midst of poop-talk, I've been shopping and gift wrapping my behind off. Only four more gifts to buy before my Christmas shopping is officially complete (not including some materials I need to buy in order to finish some projects I'm working on). What's nice is that our Christmas tree is looking full; full of decorations; flooded by presents. I can't wait until Christmas Eve/Day. Forget the presents (although exciting). I'm looking forward to one of my first [quiet] Christmases away from home. I'll be spending it with some of my favorite people, eating delicious food, and thanking the Lord for sending His only Son to die for my sins. I'm so blessed!

The first week of school was a success! I've finished my first assignment and discussion post with A's...not that it wasn't expected.*wiggly eyebrows* I'm feeling slightly motivated; a foreign concept. I think this was encouraged after witnessing the past two weeks of David's course deadlines. I can't afford to get behind, and I see how stressful it can become. If my degree could be like 5% stressful and 95% learning, I'd really appreciate it. Doubtful, but I'm praying for it anyway.

Speaking of praying (this really was a failed attempt at a decent segue), someone I work with said that she couldn't imagine that anyone I dated could be more conservative than I am (as if to say that I made David sound like a conservative?). When I asked for a little more clarification, she commented on the fact that she often sees me reading bible verses; therefore conservative (as if she knows anything about David and his antics?). I really despise blatant ignorance. Being a Christian makes me faithful, not a right-wing. Also, I've never spoken to you about my boyfriend, stalker. Sigh.

Anyway.

In an attempt to justify never visiting (or trying not to, anyhow), I've decided to take a semi spur-of-the-moment trip (I didn't plan it, which means I didn't warn anyone about it, which means it will probably be a disaster) down to South Florida this upcoming weekend. I'm apologizing in advance for not planning to spend any time with anyone. I plan on getting the annual Santa picture taken with my ever-enthusiastic brother, galavanting down Gabriel Lane with my pseudo boyfriend (the other David--or as he likes to think: the ONLY David), and avoiding my mother's delicious sugar cookies. Maybe I'll watch Teen Mom, and get caught up on the news. Additionally, I ask you all to please pray for my parents and their current situation; I keep asking God to intervene and soften their hearts. The added prayers will certainly make a difference.

The only other thing I've been consumed by is crocheting David's blanket. I'm at a point where I think I need a bigger bag to carry it all in. I was hoping to have it all done by the time we went to Charlotte, but that probably won't happen. Plus, what would I have to do on the drive up there if I did finish it? My subconscious has got my back. On the other hand, it'd be nice to finish it and be toasty warm rather than having my toes freeze off. This weekend in SoFla will also yield me some extra time to work on it.

This week, I realized that I only have a little over a month until I begin my Daniel fast. I can't believe it's already been a year! I'll have been writing this blog for one year on January 16th. Thank you to all of my followers, new and old, who have journeyed with me and my strange life without inhibition. It's been a super ridiculous year!

I'm still trying to come up with a positive new year resolution that is reasonably (and realistically) attainable.

So far:
Maybe having a better, stronger relationship with God.
Maybe increasing the amount of money and time I give to charity.
Maybe decreasing the amount of money I spend on material things.
Maybe determining how much of my bible I should finish, and actually doing it.
Maybe meditating daily.
Maybe getting the McCartney Motel organized (for once).
Maybe finding a better job (but probably not).
Maybe building more DIYs from Pinterest.
Maybe dieting better.
Maybe losing weight.

We'll see. Stay blessed.

Baby, it's cold outside!

Welcome to December 2011, people. Only a little over one more calendar year before the much anticipated end of days. Please see Matthew 24:36.

I love the holiday season despite its ever-predictable progression. Every year it follows the same pattern no matter what you've planned, where you end up, or who you spend it with. The details are irrelevant. It begins with Thanksgiving; the otherwise rare sense of community and coalescence that we cherish and enjoy; the sudden urge to become a copious altruist; the time of year you can actually watch the numbers in your savings account gradually decreasing to zero. We gorge ourselves in devilishly delicious food and the occasional nap before embarking on the holiday past time known infamously as post-Thanksgiving decorating. And somewhere between food and decorating lies the gateway to an endless pool of shopping bags and receipt collecting. Decorating for the holiday usually doesn't come in droves, either. You'll bring out boxes and bags full of festoon new and old, shake the dust off you faux fir tree, and plug in last year's lights to make sure they're all still lit. I usually scowl in aggravation when I notice that a light is out in the middle of the strand; leaving me with only half a strand of lit lights. I should have expected such; this is also part of the predictable nature of the holiday season. You find yourself adding the Christmas music station to your dashboard presets, and humming or whistling this morning's song all day long. Not soon after it begins, you break out the claymation DVDs and plan when your friends and family will be over to watch them all. Eventually, the urge to cook and bake and reminisce about holidays passed consumes you, and you're lost in a whirl of Santa hats, cookies, pies, chocolate, and glitter.

This year is developing the same way. I spent Thanksgiving with David and his wonderful family: complete with great homemade dishes and a little football, followed by an unavoidable, yet revered night with Mallory and Brandon. I was left missing Maggs while she was figuratively lost in the middle of the Atlantic, but apparently I suffer from separation anxiety, so it's to be expected. I did happen, however, to break my own tradition for the first time since it began in 2002. It is quite commonplace for me to enjoy the essence of transient presence on a frequent basis, but nine years ago I made a habit out of dedicating my Thanksgiving to the city's homeless community. I started in my own kitchen by organizing plates of my family's leftovers, and delivering them in high-traffic areas for transients. Gradually, it progressed to volunteer work in soup kitchens, outreach events, and church-sponsored Thanksgiving spreads. Dejectedly, I was too wrapped up in my own gleeful Thanksgiving- before and after- to even remember that I was about to break tradition. Now, I'm fused to a miserable medley of listlessness and regret. Instead of serving God and His children, I was selfishly consumed in preparations for Christmas, and Black Friday shopping. Being an avid servant never even crossed my mind. Admittedly, it hadn't even crossed my mind until I started reflecting on the concept of holiday ordinance for this blog post.

Baby It's Cold Outside has been stuck in my head for a few days now. It may have something to do with the fact that it was a shocking 28 degrees in Tallahassee this morning, and in the 40's since Monday. The song had previously been a jumble of words that I never really took the time to learn; I'm usually just humming along. But I'm ready this year. And I'm finally bothered by the fact that my iPod is still in disrepair. I can't listen to my favorites on repeat. I'm stuck with one of maybe two Christmas radio stations in Tallahassee. You'd think a Genius would be able to get that iPod fixed in a timely manner (if he can even find it in his room at this point). I'm waiting, David Kossin!

Speaking of it being cold outside, I was walking down the stairs from the fourth floor at work, and thoughts of the Titantic (encouraged by a Brogan Museum venture last week) flooded my mind (pun certainly intended). The further I walked down, the more bone chilling the air in the concrete and steel stairwell became. I actually got a chill underneath my sweater. I could only imagine how much colder it was for the third class passengers in the below freezing waters of the Atlantic.

Beyond that, I'll be here in Tallahassee for the rest of the year. I start my first class of my masters this coming Monday. It'll be my only class until the beginning of January. Some APA research preparedness class, if I'm not mistaken. I feel like I've taken an entire semester worth of these kind of classes, so I expect to knock it out quickly. The only downside is that APA papers are graded for consistent accuracy, so no mistake can be overlooked. I'm still waiting for my second textbook. The next few weeks will be spent half-assing doing assignments and gift-making. That, and being fashionably late for a handful of holiday parties. I plan on becoming a modern Betty Crocker, as well. Mostly because one of my favorite things to do around Christmas has always been decorating sugar cookies. Sugar cookies, chocolate covered pretzel rods, lebkuchen (secret family recipe!), and pfeffernusse are in my immediate future.

I pray safe travels for everyone this month, and a season full of memories. Stay blessed.

"Nothing is ours except time."

The past two days have been so full of introspection and self-righting that I've become an exhausted shell of myself. Satan has even pervaded my dreams; entrenching me in night terrors that have since been uncommon. It's a familiar tactic of his that I should be used to; just when I think my faith is strong, he sees my weaknesses. On Monday night, God unmasked some internal deception that had been cloaking my shortcomings, and it was the final crack in my armor. Like stilt pilings, the wave of startling emotion was swiftly swept away, and the foundation crumbled fantastically beneath me; misconstrued beliefs and seemingly unimportant concepts immediately catechized.

Often, there are times that you take a step back to question things that you've said or done. And there is that exact moment subsequent to the retrospection that enables you to interpret what course of action should follow. In my case, the retrospection brought guilt that only tears could verbalize. But He saw my heart. He saw the lies, the misunderstanding, and the false justification I had been allowing Satan to feed me. And this is where accountability comes in. It is not often that my faith and my beliefs are questioned. But when they were, my judgment was unclouded and faults were ablaze. I'm currently attempting to work a different angle and rediscover what I truly want for my future. Things don't need to be the same as they have been all of my life. I've been conforming to modern compulsions and expectations that are simply ridiculous, and blatantly against what He wants for me. Changes are forthcoming. And perfectly coinciding with this Thanksgiving holiday.



Christmas 2010

In other news, I unleashed the Christmas spirit on my room last night. It's now a lustrous chaos of lights, glitter, and childhood knick knacks. I'm contemplating doing more, but the more that goes up, the less likely I am to ever take it down. Last year's Christmas tree and lights didn't come down until July of this year. Plus, I still have three canvases to create and hang. I'm quickly running out of wall space.

I will say, though, that I will be enjoying two very quiet holidays here in Tallahassee as opposed to driving home to South Florida. Family will be missed, but I'm anticipating the absence of entropy and disarray. It's been too long since I've actually (and completely) enjoyed a holiday. That and I can afford to do some Christmas shopping if I'm not saving up to travel. It's a decent win-win.

Only just under two more weeks until my schedule is radically altered to accommodate my class schedule. I'll have to be in before 3 am every night (who am I kidding?), spend less time crocheting/reading/watching Arrested Development (I can certainly just do all that at work), and more time actually caring about school (a stretch).

Stay blessed and embark on a very crucial opportunity to give thanks for all that He has done for you tomorrow. Enjoy your Thanksgiving!