Thursday, June 9, 2011

I reserve the right to arm bears.

I think it's safe to say that the past few weeks have fallen short of my expectations, but it's about time I took back my life. We were blessed to spend a wonderful weekend in Jacksonville with JB's parents that really helped ease our stress. Of course, I felt like I was melting in his Jeep on the drive to and from without the AC, but it was well worth it. And with my car all fixed up, I won't have that problem on the trip next weekend!

In other news, JB and I made an addition to our little "family". His name is Renegade! He's a red dragon betta fish....and NO we weren't researching ways to make our betta fish a champion betta fighter. It'll be great to have a pet that doesn't require a lot of maintenance...and one that can spend some time at Justin's house until he leaves for OCS (he doesn't know that little tidbit yet). I'll be spending the rest of the week enjoying my FINAL few days at Florida State, studying for exams, helping Meridian Woods set up for vacation bible school, and getting ready for my first day of an actual career! Hooyah! (....I can say that now!)

There have been a lot of people who have been trying to get me to talk about some things I had previously not wanted to bring out due to the fact that I was being pressured by my parents to live a certain way and follow a particular path that was not the one that He had in mind for me. Of course, what I'm referring to is graduate school. Given the circumstances and the recent surge of maturity, it seems like the perfect time to come clean. I had previously avoided the topic in great detail because I felt guilty for the way I handled the situation, but simultaneously plagued by a great sense of dread. My decision to reject my acceptance into the Florida State University Clinical Behavior Graduate Program came with tremendous ease, but not when it came to sharing said plan with my parents. It felt good knowing that my hard work had gotten me that far, but God was pushing me toward a different door. And now that I've been offered (and accepted) a full time position at a state agency, it's impossible to deny His plans for me.

While I'm here, I'd also like to ask for prayers for my faith. My spiritual life has somewhat dwindled with the anticipated wedding (and the frustrations that have exploded from said announcement), and I've found myself unable to focus on the Word. I feel disconnected when I pray; distracted and fake. I miss that place where I felt safe and secure. I feel like I'm on the right path on my way to that somewhere that I'm supposed to be going, but I forgot to pack an overnight bag containing all of the essentials. My tenderness, my strength, my compassion, my patience, my purity of mind: I've abandoned it all for worldly worries. More frequently, I hear Justin questioning my faith and asking me to set a better example (in so many words).

I've forgotten You, Father. And I want to go home.

Just like to give a quick shout out to my little brother: Congrats on graduating high school, Zak! You've made it! And I couldn't be more proud. We've had our ups and downs (and plenty of upside-downs, as well), but I'm glad that you've pushed yourself to be the man I knew was in you. Welcome to the real world. 

Oh....and the most recent good news: I now have the house to myself. Tonight after decorating for VBS, I came home to an empty (filthy) house. I suppose if I'm going to be paying the entire rent here, I'd like to enjoy what I'm paying for! I started cleaning the first floor tonight. I'm going to pick up some boxes and more cleaning supplies tomorrow and get this place in order. :)

1 comment:

seespeakshare said...

I'm praying for you hun! So much is going on in your exciting world and although it can be overwhelming cast your cares on our Father - He cares for you and knows you're not being fake when you pray its just something you have to keep pressing...
Loving you