Sunday, July 17, 2011

God's last name is not Dammit.

  • Providential Will
  • Moral Will
  • Personal Will

The more I think about these three, the more I think about the choices I've made and the position that I'm in. Only 11ish more days until I move in with Lynn. Only 17 more days until Justin (hopefully) leaves Florida for Rhode Island. (I say hopefully because passing his PRT before his ship date is imperative.) Lately, I've been thinking about the decisions I've made and that I have yet to make, and my time spent in the Word or in prayer has brought me to a place where I'm attempting to make my will His will. So far, I've been unsuccessful. I'm still feeling selfish and needy. I'm still having trouble relying entirely on Him to make my path straight. As I understand it, if I know His providential will (things He'll make happen, regardless of my faith or desire), and remain obedient to his moral will (things expected of us as Christians), it'll be easier for me to know his personal will (his special plan for me!).

So now, all I have to do is be able to recognize his providential will, set standards for myself that will help maintain his moral will, and eventually, I'll be able to discern between what He wants for me, and what I want for me (or what other people want for me, for that matter). It seems so easy, but I'm stressed out just thinking about it.

Still no concrete plans for the wedding. We've talked about the possibility of doing it next October, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I guess that's just better left alone. I'm still really disappointed in the way everything fell apart.

Also, I still don't have a phone due to unfortunate financial screw-ups (for once, not entirely my fault) that I don't have the patience or strength to deal with. So for now, I continue to miss the electronic company of my family and friends, and mourn not having any money, like usual.

I miss my Daniel Bell miserably.
Oh, and 20 days until graduation day.

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