Monday, November 14, 2011

Life goes on with fragile normalcy.

I feel slightly anxious; slightly captivated. I'm a mess of creative genius trying to outdo myself for the hundredth time. The past few weeks have been somewhat of a blur, and I sincerely apologize for the lack of update.

After just getting back from North Carolina- family, fun, marriage, kids, love, and comfort food- I'm a glass half full of emotion. Mostly due to the changes I've gone through over the past few months, and the emptiness that a failed engagement has left. Not that I'm regretting, or reconsidering any of the decisions made, but marriage and family-making excitement is now the last thing on my mind. I miss the way it used to drain me. I miss the possibilities. "The more distressing the memory, the more persistent it's presence." Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants. But that's neither here nor there. The day goes on.

My trip was breathtakingly quaint. Everything about NC was beautiful; riveting. I was lucky enough to spend time with a wonderful family that welcomed me into their equally wonderful homes. And quite frankly, it was one of the best family get togethers I've had the pleasure of being involved in in a very long time. The love was so powerful; perfectly picturesque.

I'm currently in a place that I always enjoy being: independent, creatively motivated, and very much head over feet. Not to mention, I'm in a state of peaceful repose that accompanies patience in its finest hour. I picked up crocheting today as an outlet for both perpetual boredom and the propensity toward keeping my hands busy. I'm about to pick up scrapbooking to capture some of the excitement that goes on in my life. Plus, these skills will come in handy when I finally get down to Christmas shopping/creating. I've already got most of my list planned out, but there are still a few people on the list that need deciding. The decorating starts next week. Very exciting!

Mallory moved [back] into the house while mon petit chou and I were in Charlotte. I'm enjoying the constant companionship. I think it will be even more rare that the house is unoccupied. In fact, I think we're about to have a full house shy of ten people here this weekend. I sometimes worry about the increased electric bill, the lack of food, and the clutter that guests bring, but I think my need for interaction trumps that of my own paltry concerns.

That's about as much update as I've got in me to share. Stay blessed, friends.


Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for you. I hope life takes you in the direction God wants.

Samantha said...

Stop posting anonymously. It defeats the purpose of commenting like that if I know who you are. But thank you all the same. Your prayers are indeed welcome.

seespeakshare said...

Hello there!
I thank GOD that HE knows us better than we know ourselves...HE knows what we need before we really need it and HE acknowledges and sees those emotions that we sometimes fail to recognize. HE's awesome!

I didn't have a fail engagement but I did try to work things out with my first love and had to call the whole thing off. If Daniel is the one for me then now is definitely not the time...
But that's neither here nor there.

I simply want you to know that I understand to a small extent some of what you're feeling. I was feeling extremely lonely last night but then I put on a garment of praise and thought about all GOD has done for me, is doing for me and is doing through me - and then I sang myself happy.

You are strong and though independent, creative and head over heels you still remain beautiful. Whatever emotional scars you may have make you into the lovely woman you are today.

Marriage and family will come...with the man God has for you at His appointed time.

Love you Sam!

Samantha said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Cara-Marie! I remind myself all the time that He has the plans for me. While I was excited for all the things that I thought "would be", I'm much happier, much calmer, and much more certain that I'm following His will for me. I just have to keep holding on to that certainty.

My problem is that- too often- I find myself wanting what I want instead of remembering that it's never been up to me. Now that I've started on something extraordinary...AND since I've been patient, vulnerable, and faithful with His plan...I've discovered that there is so much I [always] miss when I get consumed in myself and idolatry.

The good news is that this revelation allowed me to open my eyes to true beauty and adoration. I haven't missed anything on this new journey, and it's so refreshing. And I know that there is so much more to come :)

Love you, girl!