Monday, March 7, 2011

Lost my keys in the great unknown.....

....and call me please 'cause I can't find my phone. 

Download this song by Francesca Battistelli. It's cute. My favorite line? In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed. I'm enjoying my week off so far. Granted, I'll have to actually start studying and working on my DIS tomorrow, I like waking up to the sound of the baby calling my name: Mantha!

Leo is crunching away on food, Katie is sitting at the end table next to me eating a bowl of only the finest cinnamon toast crunch we could afford (Walmart's Great Value brand), and I'm trying to keep my eyes open long enough to finish this short, but sweet entry.

Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. Luke 21:34

Recently, I've been able to come to terms with something that has been truly seething inside of me; something that I couldn't calm inside or out. I think I've realized that doubt is a very real issue for me. Not in myself, but usually in where I am at that present moment in time. I once posed the question to my pastor: how do I know if something is a blessing from God, or a temptation from the devil? To this day, I still don't have that answer, but I'm doing my best to decipher when I can. This weekend was one of those tests. I was put in a position where I couldn't run from a choice any longer. No one likes being "forced" to choose on the spot. It always ends up hurting someone's feelings; especially when you know you'd already made up your mind long ago.

I chose. It hurt (everyone). And the cycle repeats every few days. 

I was breaking for a moment because of the pain that I was causing; thinking that maybe I didn't need anything aside from my Abba Father, but I'm still confident that I've decided what is best for me, what my head AND heart come to a consensus about, and (of course) what I feel God has intended. 

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