My maternal instincts are higher these days. It's a mixture of depression, excitement, and a lucid persistence. Lynn jokingly said she thinks of me whenever she sees a baby. I suppose my love for children hasn't gone completely unnoticed. A year ago, I was more than ready. Let's move in together. Let's get married. Let's have babies. Now, not so ready, but anxious all the same. I've been plagued by desires to speed things up, and I find myself lost in fantasy about my future much too often (not that that's atypical). And it's causing me to speak out of turn. I fear that I push him away every time it leaks out; unable to contain itself any longer. I'm gradually acknowledging that this milestone is farther off than I imagined, but that doesn't make it any less taxing. Not my will, but God's. So long as I can remember that, I'll be fine.
Speaking of God, everyone's talking about Lent. If I could give up thinking about marriage and children and other things I'm not ready to think about, I certainly would. Instead, I'm giving up buying books for 45 more days. My addiction to crisp new pages and riveting story lines makes this an ambitious attempt, but I'm confident in my ability to make it to April 7th (which also happens to be my little brother's birthday) without hauling my behind to b&n or getting on Amazon. I'm not secretly thankful that I've been adding to my
"still to read" pile. :)
I've been doing a lot of sleeping lately, which is generally unlike me. I'd like to blame it on David and his propensity to keep me up well into the night (though this has been steadily decreasing)...and the way that my body contours to his perfectly. Being wide awake lends no aid to me the second I put my head on his chest. Goodnight moon.
As a brief update, our C25K progress is coming along swimmingly. While it's true that David is faster than me, we're both pushing ourselves to a steady pace; growing stronger with each completion.Only 19 training days to go.
The first time I heard this song, I thought that the line "life makes love look hard" fit Love's description perfectly. Having been in relationships that simply don't work, and having seen other people who create drama and distress in their own, I've become less sure that my friends' marriages will last, and more certain that divorce is the norm. Also, I've found that the pressure to settle down, get married, and have children tends to take away from the whimsical nature of a developing relationship (guilty). I'm doing my best to keep my focus and energy on the present, loving him like each day was our last. (Matthew 24:36). If you're reading this, darling, I love you.
Generally, I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift's immature, malnutured voice, but this song is cute.
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