Saturday, January 22, 2011

"For you have been born again...."

"If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips."

He needed to be tickled to force this smile, but alas!

My adorable JB at Mission San Luis.

I'm almost glad the weekend is coming to a close. I don't know how much more weekend I can handle, to be perfectly honest. David and I drove to Marianna today to see the Florida caverns; it was incredible! The pictures we were able to get were awesome, but simply didn't compare to what was actually in front of us. Afterward, he gave me a crash course on how to drive a stick shift and tossed me out onto the street. It went...relatively smoothly until we made it back to Tallahassee. Let's just say I stalled out so many times that we had to switch drivers! :-X (haha!) The hills here were just too much for my beginner knowledge! 

After much consideration and meditation with Him, I've come to grips with the reality I'm facing with Paul. Having lost sight of my path for an instant, I was afraid that his return to Tallahassee was inevitable, and the end of my relationship with JB would come simply as a repercussion of the situation. But Paul is looking for an easy out, and I won't be as weak as I have been in the past. This "goodbye" was the "goodbye" and there is no chance I'm looking back. It is always nice to hear that someone is empty without you, though. Never get tired of hearing that. I can forgive, but I will never forget. 

Justin Brown, I adore you. And no matter what Paul decides to do, it will never sway my feelings for you. Only one man has that kind of power over me! And I firmly believe that He ousted Paul from my life in the first place.....and all over again when I hadn't learned my lesson. It's been a tough adjustment to a new relationship: including two people who are more ready for the future than they have even had time to figure out the other person in it. 

But the love is here. 
And God is present between us. 

We have years to figure out the flaws that make each other unique. I look forward to marrying a man who is not searching for perfection, but sees me with all my faults and still thinks of me as perfect. Where ever He takes me, whoever He hands me off to: I am His servant. And I am so glad. 


Justin Brown said...

I love you babe and this was beautiful to hear. God will lead us where we will go. If it helps any, if Paul does come to Tallahassee, you can come to Rhode Island with me ;)

GodStrongGirl said...

Sounds like a deal. Now hurry up and get home to Tallahassee. You've been gone for much too long.